Brother bday

Todays my brothers birthday. My mom told me to call him happy birthday. I called him and before I could get a word out he was like: Happy Birthday to me! Yeah I know.

I asked him, what are you doing?

he said, I’m hanging out with my other parents ok? Awright bye…and then he hung up abruptly.

 

i told my mom about the experience and she always takes up for him by saying: oh he’s like that with everybody…

 

but I know that not to be true because I see him converse party and talk to other people all the time. It’s just with me he acts cold. Meanwhile my sister texts me: I had a vision you were a millionaire…

like really? You know this huh? Ironic you say this when I’m at my lowest point.

 

but I really need to move on and not hold resentment. If they didn’t have sons, I would have BEEN out of their lives for good and moved away…but the only thing hold me in this city are my parents and nephews.

I can’t wait to start fresh and get a new number. I have to go through all my social media and figure out how to get my number replaced.

I have so much to do that things are piling up. I have been dealing with my car for the longest time. God, what’s the reason? Is this just life’s little hiccups?

 

I don’t know what the fuck to do any more. I’m upset. But I try not to let it get to me. But it’s so hard…especially when you want more out of life but you are struggling to repair an old jalopy of a car.

im still staying in this hotel provided by FEMA…im in a nice area …I like it. I can easily take a stroll wherever I want and see nice restaurants and stores nearby.

I can’t believe I’m 40. I can’t believe I’m no where I want to be. I can’t believe I’m supposed to operate in faith and be a good girl when I feel miserable about life. I feel misery…the kind where I feel like I’m suffering too much.

 

i even feel like I’m working waaaaay tooooo hard for my money. Working with Anabel should easily be $250 a day…but that would t be fair to the parents. I literally get paid less than 400 every two weeks. And I travel far to work, and I have to do a lot, and it’s all day. I dread the day I have to return to work!

it’s ironic how in the Bible it says not to cover what other people have. Now that we have social media with girls having multiple cars, expensive bags, travel to exotic places…but I’m not supposed to compare…even though they are sometimes a decade younger, I’m not supposed to care.

well, I do see and I think…why not me? God probably thinks I complain all the time but I literally feel like I e been walking to the promised land for literally 40 years

 

i wish i could tell you about my day but i want to forget about it.

 

Dear Father, please give me joy. Please let me learn something when I watch church online. Please put your hands on my situation. Your daughter needs relief.