At The Crossroads

Thank you to all of you who’ve left me comments during this hard time.

Jay and I did officially break up last night. Too bad it had to be over Facebook, I would have much rather it was face to face but either way, it saved me money. Now I can take back that bus ticket and get most of my money back, and try to move on with my head held high. Try to, anyways.

On the inside I’m pretty crushed. I really thought he and I could have a really amazing relationship, if only we lived in the same city things might have been different. Although, when I really thought about it, if he truly wanted to be with me he would have asked me to come to Edmonton. That thought hurt. It made me realize how little I actually meant. I would have been willing to do what it took, whereas he just took the easy way out.

This whole situation has got me thinking. I was sure I had my life figured out the way I wanted; I have my jobs, my car, my family, my friends, and I had a man who I thought truly wanted to be with me. But my family is all moving to the coast next fall, and I don’t have a relationship anymore. When my family is gone, all I’ll have left is my friends.

I was in my comfort zone. I was happy, or at least thought I was. But this whole situation has just reminded me that I keep living through the same situations over and over again. Do I really want to spend my whole life in this town? Sure, I feel safe here…but there really isn’t anything for me here. Eventually my friends will start moving away, and then what…? I’ll be all alone.

My bro has really put a bug in my ass to move to Vancouver. I’ve always said I’d never move there, I hate the city and there’s too much crime, violence and crazy people. Plus I’ve always had a fear that I’m going to die in a car accident there. But right now I really wonder if I’m meant to stay here for my whole life. And if I do move down there, does it really mean I’m going to have a better chance of finding the right guy? I really don’t know which way to turn, it feels like once again I’m standing at a crossroads.

I guess I have a lot of thinking to do during the next few months…