It’s Too Late to Apologize

"Apologize" by Timbaland (feat One Republic)….that’s the only song I’ve been listening to steadily for days. It completely puts my heart and feelings into words.

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 My mom talked some real sense into me today. I was going to go to Edmonton next weekend to deal with this stuff face to face, but my mom made me realize I don’t need to waste one more minute trying to prove anything to Jay, or to try and ‘save’ our relationship. She really made me realize I was chasing after him, and that’s just not me. So what I did is wrote him a long email and sent it through Facebook. I wanted to share it with you all. I still haven’t heard a reply from him, but I will let you know if and when I do.

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These past few weeks have been very difficult for me, and I think it’s about time that I dealt with things.

You chased me, you convinced me of your kindness and warmth and positive intentions, and I allowed you into my world based on the way you portrayed yourself. I’m a strong confident woman with an enormous amount to offer in a relationship. I’m always honest; I would always treat you right and take care of you. Unlike a lot of people in this world, I have my shit together. I’m stable, secure and know what I want out of life. I’m kind and caring and always willing to give my heart and anything within my power to the ones I care about, provided that same thing is reciprocated, because that is what I deserve. You were lucky to find a place in my world, and I would have given you anything you asked for.

I have invested a great deal of my time, effort, energy and emotions into this relationship since it began. I’ve been extremely generous with my finances, given up my time and money to travel to see you on two occasions, and given you nothing but my honesty, trust and respect.

I deserve your honesty and respect as I have given mine to you. You say that you really care about me, but at this point, your actions are proving otherwise. You have left me dangling emotionally, which has caused me far too many tears than it’s worth. You have already proven to me that you will keep ‘secrets’ from me, and how can you be trusted when you’re building a relationship and already you can’t be completely honest and open?

I took this week off work so that I could come and see you, and you don’t want to see me. Well, I don’t have time for childish games, and I don’t have time to waste trying to guess what you want.

Allow me to make things perfectly clear: I am the best type of woman you will ever find in this world. I don’t deserve shabby treatment. If you want to be with me, and if you care about me like you say you do, you will prove it.

If you want to be with me, you will come to see me. Money is no object if you truly care. You will find a way.

If you don’t, then this is goodbye, and at least I’ll know and never shed another tear over something that wasn’t real to begin with.