Kiss Me Goodbye

Chris left tonight. He had to go early…and I couldn’t go with him. I really wanted to, but he didn’t want me to spend the money on a bus ticket I can’t afford.
 
I only found out this afternoon that he was gonna have to leave early. I thought I had another two days left with him. It was such a shock, I ended up crying. We ended up at the viewpoint again, sitting there listening to the cd I made that we both love. "Through Glass", one of our fav songs, became a reality for me tonight. Just me…standing in the doorway of the bus stop, watching him go. Hoping the glass would hide my tears.
 
Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
 
I went to the station with him and waited until it came and walked him to the bus. That was the hardest goodbye kiss ever. I had to fight the tears the whole time. I cried as I left the station….I felt like I was walking away from the one person who gets me.
 
I finally told him how I really felt. I didn’t even expect it to come out of my mouth, but before I knew I’d whispered that I loved him. He told me he loves me too. I haven’t been able to tell him yet..until now. I couldn’t let him leave without telling him how I felt.
 
Now I’m sitting here, wearing his hoodie that smells like the axe body spray I love so much, on the verge of tears.
 
For the next two days I have to wait, to agonize, to wonder and worry…..will he come back? Will he go to jail? What’s going to happen?
 
This wondering and worrying is much worse than I could have imagined. I had planned on going with him, to be there until the very end. Now all I can do is sit here and cry.
 
I’m going to cry myself to sleep.
 
This is the poem I gave him before he left….
 
Kiss Me Goodbye

I’ve never been good at saying goodbye

To watch you leave without starting to cry

How can I let you walk right out of my life

Why must there always be pain and strife

Things have never been easy in all of my years

I’ve sat in the darkness and cried many tears

But now that I’ve found you I can’t let you go

Not without being able to let you know that

I love you