Am I Strong Enough to Hold On??

The sick, dark, foreboding feeling I’ve had all day has proved to be real.

Chris got summoned to court today. He has to leave and go back to his town on March.20. Depending on what happens in court, he might get probation at best. God I hope he gets a light sentence. If not, he could go to jail for up to two years.

I am absolutely devastated.

My heart feels like it’s gonna rip right out of my chest.

How can I survive being ripped away from him? I’ve just fallen in love with him, and now he might have to leave me. I’ve just started a new job. I’m gonna be working all next week..and there’s only a week and a half till he has to leave. I don’t know what to do.

I wish this pain would go away.

Why does this always happen to me…? When something good starts happening in my life, it’s always taken away.

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Disturbed – ‘Pain Redefined’

Fading, falling, lost in forever
Will I find a way to keep it together?
Am I strong enough to last through the weather in the hurricane of my life?
Can it be a conscious decision?
That I look for ways to alter my vision?
Am I speeding towards another collision in the alleyways of my life?

Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in

Please believe me
That my eyes deceive me?
Don’t stand me up
Just leave me
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined

Shaking, burning up with the fever
In the realm of pain, I am the deceiver
Now I lie to myself, so I can believe her
As she dissembles my life
I cannot dispel the illusion
All my hopes and dreams are drowned by confusion
Can I find a way to make a solution that will reconfigure my life?

Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Memories don’t lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in

Please believe me
That my ears deceive me
Don’t stand me up
Just leave me
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined

And I know that stillness shatters
We have all been frightened by the
The sound of footsteps on the pavement of our lives
I stand and fight
I’m not afraid to die
Elochai, bury me tonight

Please believe me
That the world decieves me
Don’t stand me up
Just leave
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined