Cycles

Have you ever found yourself going round in strange circles?  Well, according to what I recently learnt, everything is in cycles, the sun, the moon, you.  So there is no such thing as “I asked for it”, or “I attract them”.   The only thing is, to attempt to go in bigger circles, bigger and bigger, until you no longer meet yourself in this lifetime, or if you are capable, in incalculable lifetimes. lol.

So apparently, I’ve been writing in OpenDiary before, but I don’t remember!  It denotes a good enough cycle for me.

Nevertheless, with renewed zest, I have come back with full intention of fulfilling every aspect of my artistic self, so that I leave with no regrets whatsoever, with no excuses of “because X said I was not good in it, so I was permanently disabled in that area”.  I know I know, I’ve read Artist’s Way, but it really is irrelevant when you’re not ready yet.

And what is ready?  Really, oftentimes it takes something ugly to grow something beautiful.  The repeated disappointment and disillusionment of love, had me spun around on my heels, only to discover to my wonders, the enriching world of art.

I have so much to thank my parents when it comes to resources, in comparison to the other person mentioned above, who has been fitfully stuck in a dry land of rage, lust, poison and then fawn for 7 plus years, finding no way out but reading and learning.  Whereas the moment I find myself facing a wall of disappointment, all aspects of art jumps up in excitement, from old to new music instruments, pencil, oil, acrylic, water paintings, photography, digital art making, poems, writing, hand crafts, singing etc. all spring up in my mind, eagerly raising their hands, wanting to be heeded first.  I feel like a mother with so many children, unable to decide which one I love more, to give it its fresh dip in the waters.

And then of course, there’s daily meditation that I do, and regular yoga that I benefit all my energies from.

I think, I believe, I know, that I’m busy enough to not care that much about the shadow that pouts and pretends or sit like a stone around the house.  Unfortunately, he is another, though unwanted excitement in my hectic life, for he is a narcissist, and mark my words, the hurt is as great as, if not more than, the love that was.

So juggling with all these, I’m positive that I’d one day enter my grave happily, fully engaged and busy, not one minute of my life wasted.  I love everything, I embrace everything that had ever happened to me, I remain forever grateful for the sorrow and suffering that I am dealt with in life, for I am always rewarded with the gold on the other side of them.

And sharing and receiving is one of the greatest gifts given to human beings.