Good News
My mammogram was negative. My abdomen and pelvic area were clear except for a cyst on my ovary but not dangerous. I guess I could have used some good news. God is good all the time. I am so sleepy, Last night I dreamt of my other mama Kathy who passed away in December. I saw her at our old job and i crawled into a bed with her and just layed my head on her and cried and cried and told her I wanted to be with her and spend time with her again. She said it would all be alright and one day we would but not now. SHE JUST put her hand on my head and let me sob it out. I miss her so much. My outspoken crazy friend who my real mom knew i thought of as a second mom. I lost Kathy so fast I didnt get to tell her goodbye. I miss her so much she died a few days before Christmas. I miss her so it felt good to see her smile hear her smart ass remarks calling me a smartass and hearing her laugh and felt good to just sob it out like i used to with her. On another note 2 friends of mine told me about Reba’s facebook and how She says her and Aaron are together. I asked him, but he can’t give me a straight answer just that me and my friends are crazy and he doesnt talk to her and after i asked for the hundredth time he said its debateable, i dont remember i deleted my memories like you do messages. OHMYGEEE i used to delete everything its kind of hard to tell the truth to someone who used to fucking act like they’d kill you over anything they didnt like. Its still that way except I dont have anything to hide anymore, so I dont delete. He can keep thinking I’m lying and cheatiing or whatever it is to help him sleep at night or day or whatever. I know and God knows im good to this man, and karma will prevail. You can’t keep being ugly to a good person and expect good in return. In June when court comes That ugly is going to catch up to him if he doesnt stop. Once in prison he will be sober and talk a bout how much he loves me, but we all know that isn’t true. If it were hed be good to me now not just when hes in prison. I’m going to go watch a movie I feel like crying, hes all dressed up maybe waiting for the bitch to call him when im sleeping lord knows he dont sleep in bed with me just up all night on his phone. what is someone supposed to think? I grabbed up the phone the other day to open it and he yanked it from me said he wasn’t stupid enough to keep anything on it anyways so although he was NOT doing anything he didnt have to show me anything, he wasn’t dumb enough to keep anything on it anyways. I’m just tired so tired….I’m miserable and I dont feel loved. I dont feel wanted..or cared for. I can’t remember what being loved felt like anymore. just pain. good night.