2 days

I got 2 days of attention from him. 2 days of being touched, hugged, cuddled, kissed on, sang to. 2 days of I love yous. 2 days of the man I fell in love with. That changed about 3 days ago. Last night, hes texting me from the bathroom about my ex asking all kinds of questions and trying to catch me in a lie, but he couldn’t because what he was asking about I hadn’t lied about. I’ve been taking the honest route, but of course I’m still a liar. smh. Anyways so I ask him am i sleeping alone again? He says yeah..he just wants sex but he dont want to hear my mouth about not laying with me so he’ll just go to bed later. I told him he made me feel like shit that He is very mean to me and ugly and he said for me not to worry he’d be gone soon and I could have a different man treat me better. I don’t want another man, I want the sober man I fell in love with. The man who loves me. I cried fell asleep…woke up to him laying with me this morning kissing on me and hugging me and holding me…..to have sex. The entire time, I had to keep from crying because my head keeps saying “its not love its sex” he doesnt love you he wants sex” I felt like a damn teenager giving my body the guy i love knowing damn well he doesnt love me back. SHIT sucks. Anyways besides that, Its gloomy and dark here today, looks like a big storm is coming in and I’m here at work(I work from home) I’m so bored and lonely and tired. The kids have daddy/daughter dance tonight and hes taking them so he got sober for them so I guess that’s a good thing. My oldest knows hes leaving soon, and she said the day he does shes going to cry. If he leaves, I will never bring him back home because it never changes. Life never gets better, he just uses and hates me more. Its more bad than good. I wish he loved me back, but he wont and dont and never will. I see that now. Anyways everyone have a good day I think I’m going to leae work and go to sleep the rest of the day. At least when I’m sleeping I’m okay.