There has got to be more

Lately, I drift off thinking there has got to be more to life then the life I have lived. I am a mother of 4 and its so hard, but I mean theres got to be more to life then being a mom working and school and sleep. I want to travel, I want to see the world, but my anxiety keeps me at home. I have an anxiety of leaving 2 hours or more away from my home.  I wasn’t always like this, years of abuse and being left in amotel room 4 hours away from home my car stolen beaten in a motel room and not knowing anyone except my exes mom to call to come 2 hours away to come pick me up. After that I never liked leaving home much. I miss the old me, the care free me who just wanted to have fun in life. The light in my eyes that ONCE was there no longer is there. I look dead. I see it when i take pictures the light is gone, I am broken. It happened many years ago but here i am still wishing i was who i was