To her

I saw you walking today, God I still love you. Do you ever think about me how I do you?

I still live my life like you are in it. I even go so far as sleeping with a pillow at my back so it feels like your there with me.

I’m crying like a baby as I write this, just as I do once a day these 5 years since.

Life isn’t right to me, or kind, or understanding. Everything is hard when I have to go home alone to this dingy one room apartment.

Work sucks, it’s no longer an escape, but this latest job never was. Why did I go back to managing convenience stores? You know how miserable it made me when we were together and now I can’t even talk to you about it to find the strength to soldier through.

No my friends haven’t come back into my life and I barely talk to family. The boys just always seem uncomfortable here when they stay. I try not to ask them about you and I tell them to listen and love you.

What scares me is my depression is bad. I’m starting to feel unwanted and useless. It’s hard to get up for the day and hard to live through it without having you all to come home to .

Dating, ha… I put on a smile and say what I’m supposed to, but obviously like you, they don’t care for me. Thought I met someone but out of nowhere she stopped answering my texts.

What a joke I am. What a waste.