Encounter #2 w/ H– Chaotic & Hectic Ramblings

Hi Everyone!

I told you all that it would be hard for me to be consistent with posting because when I am home there is no schedule that I stick to. Oh well, I will try and be as consistent as I can. So H, let’s finish or better yet get you up to date with him.

SO after I didn’t see H at the club, all I could do was obsess over our interactions. Was I reading too much into it? Probably, because I tend to obsess over new people and especially possible love connections. D was telling me she had a great night and that we should do it again. So I told her to contact JG to go to the Piggly Wiggly the next weekend. She agreed. Selfishly, I wanted to return to the scene of the crime. I was hoping that maybe I would run into H. All week D & I recanted the events to our co-workers, it was wild and something that doesn’t happen to us regularly.

We met with JG at the Piggly Wiggly that Saturday and I was dressed to impress. Unfortunately, 4 vodka cranberries later and he never showed. At this point I was blacking out and not enjoying the company we had made at the bar. I was disappointed. I mean, was it H’s fault? no, only mine. But why couldn’t fate work this out for me? I was lonely and disappointed so I sent him a DM on Instagram.  Now, this is odd for me. I want men to chase me, they never do but I still yearn for that. But I was drunk and lonely and there I was chatting with him over DMs. nothing raunchy or exciting. I was bold enough to say that I was hoping to run into him but he was on call so not out.

We continued talking, I was so hungover the next day. I have no idea how I made it in home. Thankfully, my sister, changed my clothes so I was in sweats. I tried to rally for church but couldn’t so I stayed home to recover. On Monday, he wanted to go out just us two. I was so scared and intimidated that this man would cancel work to go out with me. No one has ever offered to do that for me. I told him no that we would find another time. I didn’t want him to call off work because I was scared of disappointing him. Yes, I cared about a complete stranger. What if I wasn’t the girl he met? or he no longer was attracted to me? He said I was lame for not wanting to go. That stung a bit but he was right. I just couldn’t confess that I was scared of not being enough for him. We chatted for days with fake promises that we would get together.

Finally about a month later JG invites me to E’s birthday celebration at the Piggly Wiggly. I knew for sure that H would be there. We even briefly talk about it. We talk daily, nothing serious but it feels like we do it to stay connected. its odd but I feel so connected with him. He wanted to know what time I would be there and I said that I wasn’t going to get there until 9pm. He said that he was gonna arrive early. I don’t contact him after that because I did not want to be needy.

When I arrive to the Piggly Wiggly, I am disappointed that H was not there yet. I wanted to text him but I restrained that thought. We were a group of gals drinking and laughing. Then a new girl approaches the table. She seems to be friends with E & JG. What caught my attention about her is that she consistently says “when is H getting here?” i felt jealous that I would have some competition. or who is she to him. does he flirt with all the new girls?

Finally H arrives. He greets everyone. We are awkward with each other. He sits next to me in the booth. we are extremely close together. are legs are stuck to each other. although we are not talking directly to each other it feels like our bodies are. we are pressing against each other. just remaining as close as possible. finally we both start drinking and the conversations spill between us. I kind of latch to him. he introduces me to some of his friends.

as the night continues we are inseparable. conversation is fun and flirty. we end up holding hands with my legs in his lap. when all of a sudden he says ” you know, I am gay right?” that shocked me. Because although I was being flirty so was he. Plus I didn’t want anything serious with him just some fun. I replied ” of course I knew that.” I let go of his hand. Bold and drunk I say but you confuse me. Last week you flirted with me and said i was your type. he replies ” fair enough but even gay men can admire a women’s beauty as he caresses my back trailing my spine. The rest of the night we remain inseparable maybe only separate for a second. when some girl comes to talk to me. she begins to flirt with me and H goes to sit with D. its flattering but I am not into women. h & I find our way back to each other. we continually touch each other. When D decides we should go, I give him a kiss on the cheek.

But before I leave, I approach JG & E at the bar. They ask me if H & I kissed. I said no. I tell them that H told me that he was gay and that I do not think he is into me. E says that H is lying, that it is obvious he is into me. E gets upset with H. JG says to leave it alone. But I know that JG is horny for H. I mean he tried to hook up with him before and they kissed earlier in the night. I was jealous but cannot be upset as H is not mine.

When I get home, I text H. He tells me that he is trying to get away but that E won’t let him because she is upset with him. I pass out and do not talk to him until the next day.

4/80