Why am I not enough?
It has been 8 years and I can’t understand why I can’t leave him? I know he’s not good for me, I know I deserve better. Every time he says it will be different he gives me a glimpse of happiness and then its back to the same thing. The drugs, the lies, the women, the abuse. He doesn’t care how he hurts me,but when he’s sober he is every woman’s dream. Why am i fixated on him changing that I’m wasting my life away? The light that was once in my eyes is not there anymore, I am no longer me. I know he hides in the restroom talking to women, yet I can not prove it and if I ask then I am crazy. Last time i confronted him in the restroom he threw the phone at my head and punched me. Now here I am 4 nights of sleeping alone while he stays up high on his phone. This morning he comes to lay down with me to make love and yet I give in because that is the only time he will touch me now. There are no kisses no hugs no holding of my hand. He only wants sex. I am miserable, but yet I stay. WHY? I love who he was not who he is, not who he is becoming. He’s facing forty years in prison, am I waiting to see the outcome? I’ve known this man since I was 10 years old and we’ve been together for 8 years now I am 37 years old. I’ve known him over 20 years. Why can’t this just be it? Why can’t he just stay sober and love me the way he’s promised? Why am I not good enougH?
You’re good enough. I learned this from my most recent relationship: there are some people out there who are so consumed by their demons that they don’t know a good thing when they see it. Over and over again, I’ve seen people who know better, but live their lives in terrible ways because they can’t break free of what is holding them back.
@ravdiablo thank you for the kind words, I wish I was strong enough to just say I’M TIRED enough is enough. I made his demons mine, I’m just tired of sitting here wishing for who I fell in love with to love me back. If i mention anything it’s Fk YOUR FEELINGS..literally that is what is told to me or I’M CRAZY smh. He doesnt think i am a good person, he’s put me down enough times for me to know that its not love its just posession. He doesnt want me he doesnt want anyone to have me. I don’t want to beg for him to love me, if he does happen to love me the drugs have consumed him to the point that is all that matters.
@jjde0514 You know what you have to do, so I won’t tell you. Ask a family or a friend if they can help you.
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