Letting go

It doesn’t matter that you’ve hurt me a lot or that you’ve left and come back. It doesn’t matter that you have a new girlfriend, and I also have someone else. You broke up with me because you thought it was best for me, and the big part is that it was. My parents are a little better with me. You blocked me, and I deleted the last bit of communication we had. If you’re wondering why, it’s not because I wanted to get over you or because I hate you. It’s not because I no longer wish to talk to you and check how you’re doing, or because I don’t want to at least be friends with you. You know I’ll always want to talk to you; I always have, even when you were so cold and always pushed me away. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you talked about your girlfriend and how much that would have hurt me. I can’t bear the thought that you’re with her almost every day and that y’all did things we could not. If your mother thinks she’s better than me, then that’s okay. I’m trying to. I’m really trying to get over you. In this generation, it’s hard to find someone so sincere, loving, and fun like you. It was hard enough to find you, who changed my life completely, gave me things I never knew I had, gave me dreams and motivations, and gave me new feelings I never knew existed. I don’t even know how to talk to guys anymore. I knew how to talk to you because you were my boyfriend. You knew everything about me, so I would just pick any topic, and you would get it right away. You always said you weren’t social and that if you didn’t have anything to say, not to blame you. that you couldn’t carry a conversation, but that’s a lie. So how is it with your new girlfriend? Can you talk to her? Can you have a conversation with her? Is it better with her? If suddenly you’re not okay with not talking to her, or if you can have a normal conversation without knowing you have nothing to say, or if you make time to talk to her, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, or if maybe you prefer to talk to her instead of being on your game, maybe you even crack some jokes and laugh together about it. Does she make you feel better than I ever did? Does she make you forget everything we had—all the promises and dreams you had for us? You said you wanted us to end up in our own home, with no one telling us anything. You believed we could work, and now I am the one who still believes that. I can’t help but think about it, but I have to let you go. I’m still holding on tight because the rope has become part of me and doesn’t let me let you go. I wish I could make my feelings for you disappear. So I’m going to try my very best to let you go, even if I still love you like no other.