New Music Monday 08.26.13

So, I took last week off. I’m sorry, I had all these plans to come back strong and already I’ve had one late week and one skip. I’m sucking at life, sorry!

Turns out, I’ll be coughing for at least 6 if not 8 weeks. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with a lot of drama with that national organization I work with. Stupid stuff. My job is usually to help mediate disputes. But sometimes you end up dealing with people who are so mad that they have no further interest in listening. There’s only so much you can do when communication falls apart like that. The worst part is when it’s people that you like and care about, and they turn their anger back on you. Because they just can’t separate their anger about an event from people. Even when those people aren’t connected to the event.

The worst of it was when me being able to see and defend both sides and trying to get them to listen to each other gets that anger turned on me directly.

So it’s been a long week. 

I’ve finally felt better enough to get some stuff done around the house again too. Taking back my house one room at a time. Putting my things back on shelves. I still want to move out but I can’t just wait and let my house keep falling apart around me while I’m waiting on getting my life together so I can get moved out.

And besides, now that B is coming over all the time, I hate her seeing the house like this. She made a comment to A the other night that if she moved in here she’d keep it clean and she’s worried S would resent her for that. O.o

At first I was pissed at the implication. And then I looked around the house and shut my freaking mouth. My house is full of boxes of varying fullness waiting to be given away or stored or unpacked or repacked. It’s a disaster. And it’s high time I took responsibility for it and fixed things. Yes I can go on and on about how A (and B) help make the messes and never clean them up, or how he doesn’t enforce the cleaning rules for S when I’m not home…and each of these things are true and make it harder to keep things clean and then provides tension between parties and helps create additional lack of motivation (etc)…

The bottom line is that I hate cleaning and I put it off. No matter how valid the excuses, they are still excuses. 

And the internet dating thing is still going on. Lots of negative stories that I could pass on, including a guy so dedicated that he made a new profile to talk to me after I blocked his first one, but I also have good stories too. I went on a date. A lunch date. I paid for myself, because I didn’t want to have any sort of expectations of anything, but it was still a date. It was awkward and I think I out geeked him, but it wasn’t bad. I don’t know that I’ll see him again but I’m glad I went.

And then I met 2 guys that I like. Both for different reasons. One who lives in town, who I have a date with on Wednesday, and then another who lives 4 hours away. And I don’t like to get my hopes up, but he could be the guy. The distance thing is an issue, 4 hours isn’t the end of the world but it is an issue. There’s nothing like coming home from a long night of work to crawl into bed with your person, and long distance makes that pretty much impossible. At least on a regular basis.

And then what happens if it becomes something? And there’s the real risk. It becomes something, he could really be the guy, and then we have to make a hard decision about things like moving away from our families and our jobs and starting all over. That’s a different thing all together.  And he has kids too. How can I ask him to move away from his kids when I know I won’t move away from mine? And I don’t want to take mine away from her family here either, but having him move here would be effectively taking him away from his kids. 

I know parents do the whole visitation thing with distance between them all the time. It’s not impossible, but it’s…difficult. 

And he’s a good dad. Which is honestly one of his most attractive qualities. Seeing how he cares about his kids is hot. I’m warped. I dont want to imply that A doesn’t care about S, just that his focus is a little more…self-centered. This guy works a job that isn’t the most glamourous, but he works hard and he finds enjoyment in it because it’s a job well done. That work ethic is also attractive. The ability to sacrifice for your family is attractive. He works hard so he can provide for his family, he maintains a good relationship with his ex’s, he even speaks well of them and admits his flaws were just as responsible for the end of his past relationships as theirs.

It’s a maturity level that I also appreciate.

What the heck is wrong with me? 

So now I have this fork in the road moment, ok…I don’t yet. But it’s coming. Do I take the risk? Knowing that if it pans out I’ll have to deal with all of that? But could the risk be worth it? It’s one of those things that will either be the best decision I ever made or will get my hopes up and be devastating when I get let down.

Didn’t I learn anything about how easy it is to make someone seem perfect when you meet them online?

Do I let fear hold me back? Because that’s exactly what it is. 

"Would that I had never met you. For I would not fear losing you, nor feel the sting of disappointment that your loss could bring, if I had never felt the hope your kindred spirit mirrored into mine."

Anyway. Music.

Not got the list on my grooveshark this time. Sorry! 

Some of these are oldies, but I’ve been digging them this week.

1. Go Your Own Way by Lissie
2. Poster of a Girl by Metric
3. Just a Kiss by Karmin (The cover of this is awesome!) 
4. Da Doo Ron Ron by The Crystals
5. Little Black Submarines by The Black Keys
6. Mirrors by Boyce Avenue feat. Fifth Harmony (Another awesome cover!!)
7. Oh Sherrie by Steve Perry
8.  Wonderful by Angel
9. Sunshine Superman by Donovan
10. Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin

I’m all over the place.