all the young dudes

i have struggled…

i have suffered…

i have lived…

i have died…

i have nothing but yesterdays now…

and the memories that haunt me…

and all the things that might have been…

if i had been a better man…

if i had been a man at all…

i would not have allowed the adultery to stain me…

i would not have let her hatred shame me…

i would have learned to live with the wanton hole…

inside her soul…

instead i let it bait me…

now the hours pass in silent thundering beats of my heart…

and tears that never end…

wishing for the lamb to take me…

waking up instead…

and the anguish the uninitiated can never know…

has become a way of life…

dining on ashes…

bitter dregs for my wine…

and the darkness…