Sick of it.

Sorry i haven’t written in here for awhile.

Stuff on my mind though and of course nowhere to go with it.

So when i was married,  my husband had brain cancer.  I helped him through it, step one and raised my son who was just a baby at the time. I did it all and it wore me tf out. He was fine after awhile, i was not.

His mom didn’t help, nobody did a damn thing. My mom did but she could only do so much. Eventually i divorced him.

Here we are years later, I’m the last person he tells about his pancreatic cancer. I really don’t know anything about what hes going through,  but i told him i would absolutely help again if i had to.

Friday was his surgery. Our son spent the weekend w his nanny, and is now w my mom for school.

Today, we went over to feed the dogs. I was in tears.

Dog shit everywhere.  Okay, whatever,  they do have a doggy door they can come in and out of but theres more. That house hasn’t been cleaned since i left, going on almost 7 years, maybe more.

I’m disgusted.  My son lives in filthy conditions and the house should be condemned tbqh.

All i could do is help clean what we could.

I Mopped up like 6 times.

I vaccuumed. I swept. We dusted. Straightened up.

I was quiet. My son is going through a lot, i can’t say anything now but holy shit the front door doesn’t even open right. If theres a fire, no way to get out safely. The house is rigged, everywhere.

The bathroom cuts into the second bedroom…. the insert.  Theres no ceiling.

The floors are uneven, theres floor peel and stick tiles on the counter top.

The stove has not ever been cleaned.

The counters never cleaned.  The microwave,  the top of the fridge. It smells.

I really,  really don’t understand.

I’m so mad that hes living there, under those conditions. If i get cps involved,  my son will resent me but he deserves a better life.

The steps are uneven, the house is a disgrace… my sons room though, relatively clean in comparison.

So, cancer aside… i just don’t know how i can help any more than what i have and what i did do to clean up was probably too much but he should be ashamed of himself for lying to that judge. I don’t understand how tf i lost that case. I should sue the judge after i bring him there to see for himself what he has done by granting his father primary over me.

 

So I’m angry. I actually came home and gave the roommate a hug and thanked him for not being a slob.

My son is safe, w my mom.

His nanny tho…. ten cats?? Sick. Who do i complain to about that?