Clueless Me…

    So, I haven’t been able to update this blog, which isn’t strange, since I have no idea on how to maintain a blog. Plus, no one reads it, so I’m starting to feel like it was a useless, stupid idea. But, the thing is that I’m clueless when it comes to dating and boys and all that stuff. Why? Because I’ve never dated anyone! 

    I’m 30 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, nor kissed a guy. Now that I think about it, it’s not as important as it used to be a few years ago. Probably because all of my friends were getting married and I was the only single one in the group. But, now that I’ve seen how and what their marriages have turn to, I’ve realized it’s probably better to remain single ’til the "right" one comes. The problem is that there are times when I can’t help but ask myself: "And when the heck is this ‘Right One’ going to come?"  First, I don’t know that many guys. Second, I barely know any guy. Third, ok…I must say I KNOW NO ONE! And I don’t frequent any kind of club, nor organization where I might find any options. And add to that there’s that little pessimistic voice inside my head telling me,  E-V-E-R-Y-F-R-E-A-K-I-N’- D-A-Y: "You’re DOOMED, girl!"  I know…my mind’s so supportive..!
   
     And, here’s the thing…I don’t really know if I’m that attractive at all. First of all, I’ve heard all my life that I was beautiful, but that I had to lose some weight. And I’ve asked myself all my life: Why the hell does people always have to look at how much you weight? As if, is that some kind of contagious disease? Why the hell do someone has to be rejected because of how much he/she weights? I know one must care about the looks because of a health thing. And, well, I admit it, also because of a physical-looks thing. Because, like it or not, we’re always looking at how others look since we don’t know them and something must catch our attention. But, why don’t someone get to know you, realize you’re a nice person and all that stuff and then try to help you to be healthy, if you want to? And if you don’t want to…then it’s your problem if you want to be alone. But, today’s society is all…wrong…people judge you by the way you look and it makes me sick and wish I was bor in outer space. 
   
     Second, well…sometimes I feel like I know nothing on how to be "feminine". I mean, I try to dress nice, but when I look at myself in the mirror and realize I’m still over weight, I put on my jeans, my t-shirt and my Converse’s, again. I end up feeling I can face rejection more comfortable if I’m not all dressed like a lady. And, I guess that’s something my friends don’t understand, since they’re all married, or with their boyfriends and girlfriends and I remain all by myself (yeah, like that Celine Dion’s song…).

    So, in the middle of all that mental-crap,  here I am…Oh-poor-clueless-me…knowing nothing about how to react, how to respond, how to answer, how to take initiatives…ANYTHING! I already started working with my looks, since I started on a diet and have already lost 50 pounds! That’s a lot, considering this is the first time I’m taking something seriously! But, about the rest…any suggestions?