I Have To Go Now

I don’t know if that’s the way that adults are supposed to end phone conversations with their supposed best friends, though I am subject to this line more often than not and I’m just supposed to be okay with it.  That phrase, at least to me, comes off as being very juvenile and I don’t care for it.  It makes me feel that there is some kind of force or entity that is pulling strings from behind the scenes and somehow making that phone call end prematurely and definitely not on its own volition.  This is how teenagers end phone calls, not grown-ass adults.    

That’s how she ended our phone call tonight. 

The call wasn’t intended to be a long one anyway and yet, it still felt that it ended according to someone else’s script, someone else’s stopwatch.  This isn’t how best friends are supposed to talk to each other.  She knows it and I know it.  Still, I am helpless to change this situation.  The most I can do is get mad at it all and deal with it in whatever way I see fit.  Rest assured, it fucking sucks and I’m somewhat ashamed to be in such a dumb situation.  This is kid shit and not the kind of game that educated adults are supposed to be playing.  But it’s as they say, “Play stupid games.  Win stupid prizes”.

Speaking of stupid games, I’m still doing the whole Call of Duty thing.  I still play this game annually and I’ve reached a point where I don’t even know why anymore.  Modern Warfare III is all right, even if it just feels like this year’s iteration of COD is more of an expansion rather than a completely new, standalone game.  For better or worse, MWIII is more of the same stuff.  It’s playable.  It’s not great.  It’s pretty much just there.  Jay and I haven’t played the game together and from what I can gather, we are in no hurry to do so.  We have other games to play anyway.  COD can definitely wait. 

Phone call etiquette.  Call of Duty.  I don’t know where this diary/journal is going anymore.  It’s not that I’m running out of things to write about.  There’s just a lot of stupid stuff going on around me and I don’t know where to start.  Maybe I’m disorganized and can’t get my thoughts right?  I don’t even know.  I guess I currently find myself in the midst of intermittent bouts of anger, frustration, and even indifference.  I’ve said this many times in my life before and I’ll say it again because I firmly believe it. 

Life is so much easier when you stop caring about things. 

I’ve also found that life can also be so much easier when you don’t have any expectations.  By not expecting shit, when nothing happens, there’s nothing to be disappointed about.  I need to get back into that mindset, because people (at least the ones around me) can be very disappointing. 

As I said, I don’t know where to start.  I hope to start writing again, eventually anyway.  Won’t be tonight though.