Triple passed away

Triple, one of my favorite cat died. She’s a calico and that is the reason why I named her triple.

I am so mad I am blaming myself, and my mom and everything else I could think of.

We were so occupied with work and we have less time to observe her situation. Triple was pregnant and had multiple difficulties giving birth, I am thinking it could be because of her past injury which we think is because she was harassed by kids outside, her hip was once broken, she recovered but we don’t know if that affected her pregnancy – more likely it did as the kittens that were born were not breathing, deformed.

First kitten got stuck, for hours. It was very difficult to pull out. I was thinking about calling a vet, mom was against it as usual  because she thinks it is expensive. I do the 80% expenses at home by the way.

Me, I’d really have that scheduled in my head, to call the vet,  but I work  multiple jobs.. I needed rest and I did set it aside, I told mom to observe the mother cat, we were hoping that other kittens inside should go out, we were expecting 3 more based on her belly size. Only 1 other came out, not breathing too. It’s too late now as mother cat was gasping for air. Few minutes when I saw her like that, she died.

I am so pissed that I am the super busy person in the house, yet she can’t put an eye on the things that are most important. Unfortunately I am part to blame too, I became overly focused at work(from home yes).

I then realized that I am always caught up with the incompetence of others, I am tired of this shit. My money, always go to someone else because they don’t have much. How about me? I think I deserve a happy time, why always them when they remained incompetent for the good things? I really hated that the cat died and I think it is because all the effort, the research for a vet’s number, research for the cat’s sickness, it’s all on me even if I am the breadwinner. I am just so tired living a non convenient life to make theirs okay.