Homeroom Heroes

You know, being a parent, it’s very important to me that my daughters have not just good, but great teachers. I mean the kind that inspire, nurture and cultivate my girls to be the very best that they can possibly be. I know that that is what most parents demand, so let me speak collectively for all of us and offer a deeply heartfelt thank you to the teachers who are shaping the worlds’ future by teaching our kids.

Now, with that being said, let’s talk a little bit about the teacher/parent relationship. It stands to reason that if we parents have our expectations, then the teachers in turn should be able to rely on parents to reciprocate in certain circumstances. You know, help out on particular occasions. Volunteer. Make an appearance every once in a while. Really, its not a very difficult thing to ask of you is it? Would it be too much of a hardship on your busy schedule to bring a snack tray by the classroom?

Oh, I know what some of you are thinking. You’re probably mumbling, "Oh yeah, well how about you Mr. Holier-than-thou-Diary-Dude, when was the last time you volunteered your services!" Well, I’m glad you asked, because it just so happens that I have a story to tell about that subject. And this story actually has a valuable lesson attatched to it. So, not only do you get to waste precious time by reading this, but you’re going to be injected with knowledge that normally costs 3 easy payments of $19.99, plus shipping and handling of course. But, I’m feeling a bit philanthropical today so this will be a freebie. Okay, before I get started, I have to ask that all of the teachers reading this leave this entry at this time. Now, don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just that this is sort of a parents only type of tale. Probably be boring stuff to you. Thanks, for dropping by, I’ll see you on the next entry.

Okay, all of you parents, it is really important to help out at school whenever you can. The teachers have their hands full and appreciate some help. Did you catch that last sentance? They appreciate some, but not all help. Seriously, there are some parents that the teachers have secretly banned from the volunteer ranks. I know this for a fact because I am one of those that has been banished. Yes, it’s true. I am a marked parent. Teachers avoid mentioning special projects whenever I am within a five mile radius. They have my picture with a red circle around it and a slash mark across it, with the caption, "El Loco Pappa" in their teachers’ lounge. They once reprimanded a young teaching assistant for letting me oil a squeaky chair. Such is my reputation as an accident waiting to happen. And I guess that it’s a well deserved assessment considering some of my previous contributions to the classroom.

When I was asked to build a dragon for my daughters’ class study on China, my project ended up looking like a cross between a constipated armadillo and a belching Chia pet. At the bake sale, my cupcakes knocked out two-thirds of the first grade class for a week. I’m not even going to mention the time that I offered to fix the electronic scoreboard at the baketball game. Sheesh, you wouldn’t think people would be so upset over a few hundred third degree burns!

So what is the great lesson to be learned? Remember the saying, ‘Pride goeth before the fall’. I think that it applies to some of us parents. Before you corner your kids’ teacher and demand to be on the Halloween costume committee, take pity on both the teacher and the students. If you are one of those parents, like me, who has the project skills comparible to that of oh, let’s say, a seedless grape, then just admit it to yourself and don’t volunteer. Graciously accept the fact that there are other parents who will get that special helper award at the end of the school year. It’s okay, there are other things that you can do. For instance, you can be the clown in the dunk tank at the school carnival. Or how about selling some of your bodys’ organs to raise money for a new computer lab. There’s tons of things you can do for the teacher. Just stay away from the classroom. We help by not helping.

To all of you reliable parents, thank you and please keep on helping. I’m sure your childs’ teacher will agree with me saying that you are more precious than gold to them.

And to you teachers(I knew that you would keep reading this), let me offer a very special pat on the back for putting up with us parents whose actions never quite live up to our well meant intentions.

Take care.