Mind #@%$ pt. 1.

For days things have been happening with me and around me but I have just been too busy to put all my feelings and memories into my OD. So this post and the few that follow will be all over the place….well not really all over the place since I tend to only write when I have something to say…I am just blabbering now…guess that is what happens when you have so many ideas and thoughts in your head, and you don’t know how to get it all out and actually make it make any sense.

My love languages…

  I love giving people I love gifts… a few months ago my sister mentioned on how she wanted a …anyway so I kept telling myself that I would buy her one but I kept forgetting. A few weeks ago I as up in JHB with my husband for my niece’s . Anyway, on the one morning my nephew was making a shake and making so much noise using a jug and a handheld mixer…and so I was reminded about how I wanted to get them a Nutribullet. Off we went to the shopping center for some stuff and while we were there, I ran to a shop to go and get them the Nutribullet.

My husband turned 40 a few weeks ago and he is an  Fan…although he doesn’t really watch much football… Since last year November I have been getting his present together and been looking for it all…. I got him red gift boxes and put all his gifts in them…

   His bday… it was such a mess of a day. The night before he decided to leave the house, even though I wanted to go with him he just left without me and came back home at G-D knows what time… I was grumpy on the Saturday morning but woke up early to what I had planned…made him a lovely breakfast and gave him his gifts…this was all done with a fake smile.

Afterwards we decided we would go for a drive and see where the day takes us as I had a dinner planned for us (it was a surprise) … while we were driving, we figured we would just go back home and hang around until it was time to get ready to go out. While I was reading my kindle, he sneaked out and just left me. He said he felt like going for a drive…

Well, I was not going to let my sour mood spoil his bday, so got showered and dressed and then we went to dinner.  We weren’t enjoying the show, so we snuck out and went for ice cream.

Oh well that weekend was a bust, but the following weekend was my niece’s Battie and that was fun!

Gave my sister and her oldest daughter a key chain… I got one for my dad, myself and my other sister too… Right now, I am all about getting the message out there that Hamas needs to release the remaining hostages and let them return back to their loved ones…and of course I stand with Israel and support the IDF plan to dismantle and destroy Hamas by all means.

So, I love giving gifts and spreading the love…but I love receiving gifts too… My husband just doesn’t ever seem to think of giving me a lil gift…his love language is all about touch…I will get to that later.

 

 … I love being pampered and my husband knows this…well he loves it too and I sure give it to him, and he gives it to me too…but I want services beyond a back rub…

The other day I came home from work, and he hadn’t made the bed…I went mad at him and before I did anything else I made the bed.

Whenever he washes the dishes, I will always say thank you…even though I will sometimes wash some of them again as he missed a spot here and there.

He hates hanging up the laundry and so the laundry basket is full of clothing…guess what Iam going to have to attack them soon, because if I don’t then I know he won’t…of course if I asked him to he would but I would have to hang the clothes once the washing load was done in the machine.

Our bathroom really needs a good clean…I have been in such a rush the past few days that I haven’t had the chance to clean it…was going to get a domestic cleaner to come to the house but I cannot wait another few days for her to come…and I don’t mind doing it but I don’t understand why my husband cannot wake up a few hours earlier before work and clean the flat… and only starts work at 10am!!!

If I don’t ask him what he wants for supper, or I don’t prepare it or order it then he will just get up and sort himself out later in the night when he is hungry. I ask him every midday what he wants for supper or before I leave for work will take out meat to defrost so I can come home to cook. Well the past few days load shedding has been at really shitty times and I haven’t been able to cook when I get home…the other day I went to sleep without eating (Now I know I sound ungrateful sense there are many other people who go through every day without food in their stomachs) but my husband didn’t even bother to ask me what I wanted when he got himself left over from the night before…which were actually meant for that night too but he ate my half so there wasn’t enough for the both of us so I just left it for him… anyway where was I before all this blubbering?? Whenever he takes me out for supper it is a treat…generally whenever we go out, I am always paying…or making sure there is food in the house. It is so irritating how when he does something, it is a ‘treat’ but I do those things every fucking day and don’t boast about it or make a big deal requiring some kind of recognition. 

We have a bank account which is on my name but we both put in money into the account, so our house expenses come off that. This month he hasn’t put his share in and whenever I ask him, he goes all quiet…but today he said that he would take me out for supper this weekend since I have been feeling so down these past few days. I asked him if he would have enough money to take me out when he hasn’t even transferred money into our Home Expenses account…he suddenly stopped chatting to me on .

I finish work in a few min (30) and I will be going home…and plan to clean the kitchen because I am sure he hasn’t done the dishes from last night…will do the laundry…because if I don’t soon then I will be wearing my pajamas to work for the rest of the week…and need to cook supper and need to clean the bathroom.

Now I love my own time…love to read…watch reality tv…but I have a fuckin’ husband, but this week I feel like he has been my bedmate. I mean I get that he works UK times so when I come home, he has to still work…but he seems to always be working longer and I end up eating supper on my own…I end up going to bed on my own…and when I wake up, he is sleeping…so I don’t see my husband at all. And if we do something then I have to always plan it and make it happen. The last few days I have decided to make plans to…

  and since my eyebrows are so screwed up in shape and I am tired of using make up to make them look good I am having them attended to next week…while I made the appointment for myself I decided to make one for him too as he is now also attempting to fix his brows up with my makeup and he is not doing it properly and won’t listen to me on how to do it properly and his eyebrows are basically a few hairs here and there…

…even when I am mad at him. He just thinks because he will give me a back rub after I have given him one…or he asks me if I want anything from the kitchen when he is going there for himself already that that is enough.

I guess hearing I am beautiful and that I look good or receiving words of encouragement are meaningful…but they are not that important to me…

 

I may like being hugged and kissed and held but I am proud to stand on my own and okay with limited .

My husband loves hearing how wonderful he is…in fact when he is getting dressed, , he often blows kisses to himself and often you will hear him boast about how attractive he is… now I do express that to him too but not all the time…and he knows I hate his vanity! He loves being held and cuddling but knows I am not a fan of that so he limits it and sometimes he will let me lie in his arms…but he prefers it the other way…But he is also not big on  …there was a time when I even thought, he may be ashamed to be seeing with me… but I know neither one of us are all touchy feely in public.