So little time, even less money

Sometimes I absolutely feel like I’m spiraling. Lately, those feelings have been often. There’s so much to do, yet so little time and even less money to cover it all. To say I’m getting frustrated would be an understatement.

Zak has his second surgery the end of February. I’m working my ass off to afford this. Assume, two nights in a hotel minimum, gas, food for myself, parking – $300+ as we will be there at least a week. But there is also the $4K out of pocket he’s going to need to pay. Yes, he’s 21 and is responsible for it. Obviously, if it comes down to it – I’ll figure it out as he has to have this surgery. I’ve found how to apply for the self-pay amount to be reduced. So, I’m planning on doing that. I was just hoping his taxes would be filed first to use last years that he missed work due to the first surgery. Someone suggested a GoFundMe – I hate GoFundMe’s. We will see though I guess.

Meanwhile, Alex calls yesterday to tell me his car is massively leaking oil. Ummmm, okay? What am I supposed to do 3 hours away. He isn’t sure and I have no idea who a good mechanic is in that area. So, I refer him to call my former brother in law or ask his coworkers that have lived there. He finds a shop. They look today – $1200-$1400 to fix. Originally, they had said $1,800 and called back with this new amount. They may have felt bad for me or him. I have no idea.

I talked to the mechanic for a few via 3way call as Alex wants my assistance deciding. Well, the moral of the story is – I can’t afford another car payment today. I looked at used cars online last night and nothing decent was affordable. The mechanic agrees the car looks really good minus the cracks in the oil line. He agreed that buying any other low cost car would likely give me the same result and he too would keep this knowing its history of knowing faithfully maintained. So, he’s fixing it. I told the nice guy on the phone to just swipe my card. $1,200ish…. When I’m already scrapping pennies next month to afford the surgery trip. Sigh. Of course.

During all this, my health sucks. Okay, I feel good minus the weird shit. Shingles. Rashes like I got after Covid. Aches and pains. Constant cramping feelings in my lower back. Now something that feels like a yeast infection but yet doesn’t… They’re normal after pregnancy. The joy of the symptoms without bringing home a baby.

However, Google also says that this could also happen if my immune system is lowered. Yes, we’ve figured out my immune system is broken after the shingles. I didn’t need a reminder.

My therapist reminds me that though mentally I feel things are getting better. Obviously, my body doesn’t agree and my nervous system and immune system remain in a high, compromised alert.

So, I’m working hard on doing less. Relaxing. It’s hard tho. So hard. I need to be picking up shifts. Not recovering from the unknown breakdown my body would like to have. And I’m so surrounded by stupid people – it’s even harder.

I was going to venture into those waters next. But I’m done for today. Maybe tomorrow.