Let’s start again

I have blank page anxiety.

Metformin or Berberine?

I was introduced to the idea of Metformin about a month ago and hastily jumped on the bandwagon until I actually started doing more research. I had a desperate moment. The side effects I read about bothered me. I also did not have much knowledge of what Metformin actually was other than a way for someone to lose weight. When I did more research I found out it’s used for type 2 diabetics to help regulate blood sugar and helps the body handle insulin. After reading that, I was also seeing that because Metformin has become increasingly popular by way of promoting it as a weight loss pill, those with type 2 diabetes are now finding it difficult to get it because of the high demand.

After my findings on that, I decided to find alternatives to Metformin and other weight loss pills designed originally for type 2 diabetics. I came across Berberine and looked into it and of course lots of pros and cons. I was drawn to it because the side effects are much more tolerable than Metformin and it’s a more holistic approach to what I’m wanting. I haven’t been taking it for even a month yet so obviously I’m not noticing any changes other than possibly feeling like I have a bit more energy and not always feeling bloated. However, I am currently realizing that coffee does not give me that same reaction that it does other people who drink it. When I drink it, I feel tired and actually fall asleep. I did a little experiment on myself and drank just water in the morning for a few days then drank coffee and I did feel a difference in my energy levels. Why does coffee make me tired instead of wired? And why has it taken me so long to figure this out? I am hopelessly addicted to caffeine so that is probably a reason I failed to notice for so long. Also thinking about it, since I feel tired drinking coffee, I also feel warm and comforted. So those feelings are another reason I likely keep going back to it. Now I know if I want to feel relaxed to drink coffee. If I want to feel more awake and somewhat energized as I can be at my age, drink water. I also just tried the V8plus Energy drink that has black and green tea in it. It’s the pomegranate and blueberry flavor. I have no idea if that has an effect on me yet since I just drank my first one this morning, but I don’t mind the taste.

The berberine company I ordered from is called Sunergetic. I looked up reliable companies that claim not to put extra “things” into their products. That was one that came up in different articles. It’s 2 capsules a day at 1200MG. They say it will probably take up to 3 months before seeing any big results. I’m not even a full month in so I can’t attest to anything other than a slight rise in energy and less bloating. I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about it last week and she told me it shouldn’t have any negative interactions with my anxiety medication. She has also been suggesting to me to see a therapist and I finally met with one last week. I honestly don’t feel like I need one but I did have good conversation with her. She wants to dive deeper into my childhood, of course, and I sigh because my poor waste of a childhood. Not sure I want to dive right into that.

I’m trying to get more acquainted with TikTok even though my introverted, low self-esteem, inner self is wondering what is wrong with me. I don’t know. I’m trying to find some sort of purpose.