Subject To Attributes

The programming thing still keeps going. After ten turn downs of taking a “management” roll, I think I just wish to escape the whole thing. Hell, I don’t have the patience to be a manager nor the responsibility for me to even be consistent.

Travel is no more. I miss the money, the booze, weed buddies and the awayness. I do not miss the awayness, the airports, airplanes, TSA security patting my junk (well, maybe I do miss it especially when I am carrying bud) or hotel sleepless nights. I do not know what to make of my life. I felt like I had more of purpose there and the unexpected changed my views. Roller coasters…

Back at a place that is rather a drag. Out of date software and dim witted person are the make up of this company. Going from saving a company about $1 billion in a 4 year period to having no quantitative measure of output. Disappointing, but so easy I have shut off my mind. Frustrating because nothing you code just works. Same thing, day in and day out. I take advantage.

Hobbies still come and go. Painting seems to be a constant rotation still. I would like to think I have progressed some, but eh, it all looks like shit to me. Aquariums are still the passion. Finally switching to a bigger tank after 4 years of planning. Sitting in a the garage still in the crate waiting for time for fabrication processes. Gaming is still in, but not as much. Reading and writing, always in.

I have ponder the idea of transferring my moleskins over to the interwebs, but the effort seems too daunting. Plus, the secrets those generals contain… “just fuck me”. Words that will haunt me to the grave. Time moves, we change and it passes with the clapping of hands to a insane beat that you only wish would slow down. Doors close on your hallway and new ones open. Now if I can just find the fucking window to jump out of this hallway.

I miss all my friends. I have lost most of them. I have lost the carefreeness I once held so dear. It seems no matter my will power, I cannot regain it. Constantly in the struggle of bills, mortage, and home life, there is never an escape from the atmosphere of it. This is not to say I am not happy, I just don’t find the drive that invigorating.

I still think of your olive tinted skin and that breathless smile.

I still think of your bubbling laugh and curls of hair

I still think of your darken stairwell sex fantasy.

I still think of your closet phone calls to me.

I still think of your Australian accent.

🙂 bye for a while.