Got It In Writing

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Often, I find myself in the same circle of repetition, where I am optimistic that things will change, but in the end, they just don’t.  All I ever heard was the perpetual droning on of, “I’m sorry”, but in the end, this meant little and as I said earlier, nothing changes.  It had reached a point where the constant apologies happened so often that they started to lose all meaning and all value.  I was being apologized to all the time.  As far as changing the behavior that usually precedes the apology, well, that had yet to occur.  I think I might have reached my threshold for how much more I’m willing to tolerate.

Serena brought with her a lot of drama, more than I have had to deal with in such a short span.  I don’t fill my life with drama, problems, or anything that might bring my spirits down.  I like to keep my life stress to a minimum.  It seems like by comparison, she leaves the door wide open for drama and it just willingly walks right in, as if it had received an invitation and had a God-given right to be there.

Actually, I don’t think I can continue.  This was going to be a whole entry, but I think I’m done.  I’m not feeling it.  I don’t have much more energy to write about this situation, at least not at the moment.  I thought I could.

This has taken quite the toll on me emotionally.  I’m just trying to heal from this and get on with my life.  I’ll get back into my work once my vacation ends and when work is done, at least for the day, I’ll delve back into my hobbies and things I like to do to pass the time.  For much of 2023, Serena and I were a major part of each other’s lives and it’s funny now, to see how we suddenly won’t be a thing anymore, not friends it seems, and definitely not as best friends.  That’s going to take some getting used to.  I don’t have a time frame for when things will return to a state of normalcy for me.  I know I’ll get there at some point and that is what I have to look forward to.

You see that picture above?  Some months ago, Serena wrote that for me on an orange Post-It note so that I could have it to display along the bottom of my monitor.  If there was ever any kind of foreshadowing in my life, there you go.  Yesterday, we said bye to each other.  I guess you could say that I got it in writing a long time ago.

This still sucks, but things happen in life, whether we want them to or not.  We can’t stop lava from flowing or the sun from rising every morning.  I know that I can’t dwell on that which I have no control, but sometimes, that’s easier said than done.  I try to remain strong.  It’s all I can really do.