Rambles to no one
I have always had problems with time. There never seems to be enough, it goes too fast, the past and future. My divorce fucked it up. Now my job is too. I really want to give up.
I don’t feel special to anyone anymore. The closest I get is my boys, but them being pre-teen and teenaged, they don’t go out of their way to call or check in with me, I’m just a nice weekend distraction when I can be. Work has taken over my life so much that I almost wish to be unemployed again.
I’ve yet to have a therapist who makes me feel any better. It’s hard to turn to God when it seems like all the bad that keeps happening is his lack of caring. how much shit can be lumped on one person before a good thing happens?
IDK anymore, why do I write?
Here’s something I read that is very interesting: people feel much better about themselves when the do something for others, as opposed to doing something for themselves. For example, you can start by reading other people’s OD journals and offering them your care and support, and you know what, they’ll do the same for you.
The same is true in the real world: go to the post office and buy a sheet of postcard stamps. Then go get some postcards, some cheesy, some kind, some weird, and send postcards to a bunch of people telling them you’re thinking about them and that you’re looking forward to getting together or chatting real soon. My guess is that some of those people will call you up and thank you.
To keep relationships going, you have to make efforts that are small and meaningful. I send my girlfriend postcards and letters all the time, even though it is easier to text. She loves them so much, because it’s so much more effort than shooting out a text or email. Little things mean a lot to people.
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Stopping in – hoping 2024 brings you much light, C.
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I hope this year things start to look up for you…I really do.  Did you get to see your boys Christmas Day?  What about New Year’s Eve?  I hope you did get to spend some time with them.  I know you are probably glad the holiday season is over.
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