I’m done

I think I’m done with calling out to people for help. In 5 years except for the few of you and the several “therapists” I’ve paid close to thousands of dollars to, absolutely no one cares. I’ve reached out to friends, I’ve reached out to family, and I’ve reached out to strangers and the one thing that’s common is none of them cared. I understand that only I can take care of myself only I can fix me no one whether I pay them or I spill my guts to them there’s nothing they’ll do.

I’ve turned my phone off and considered changing my number, but why? No one calls me anymore or texts. I’ve just spent the 4th Thanksgiving alone, without an invite, without a greeting and you’d think I would finally get the point.

I’ve spent over a hundred dollars on dating apps and never got one “HI” or date. People treat me like I have some weird disfigurement and they’re either to shocked to say something or to disgusted.

Yeah, I’m dramatic. It’s all in my head. I live in a fantasy world where I’m still the man in my kids lives and I matter to people in the world.

Starting now I’m done with it all. I just exist now on the chance there is a God. Although, 2 broken marriages, 1 dead daughter, and hundreds of examples of undeserving fucks getting ahead, screams to me that there isn’t.

I’ll miss you all. You were the only ones who cared. Several strangers.