Positive energy

I have noticed that I don’t believe or think the same as other people. Of course we all have our own set ways and stuff, but they generally follow the prescript of families. I have felt like an outsider to my family for so long that I think I just see things differently. And I am too goddamn stubborn to stifle my thoughts.

I just argued with my uncle about him and his wife. He believes that he “made” her. I explained that whether he did or didn’t, the statement is perceived negatively. Taking ownership of anyone’s accomplishments robs them of their autonomy. And I will always fight on the positive side of things. My belief is that he should just let go of that belief or at the very least shut his mouth and keep it in his head. Now that takes me into a weird rabbit hole in my mind with my own relationships. Is it negative to confront things? As long as I can back up my beliefs with a good conversation, I don’t see a problem.

Here is my weird belief that I haven’t heard from others. In social situations, I believe that there is positive energy and negative energy. Everyone’s meter of measure is different. But there are some general things I think our society believes are good versus evil. When it comes to conversation about hot topics, I believe that there is an oscillating force that moves between the two. I’ve dubbed this Chaotic Energy. I believe in confronting and being confronted with chaotic energy to always be challenged as to what my actual beliefs are. Do they hold water? Or are they just preconceived and am I too lazy to do the work of research and implementation?

My uncle basically told me to stay out of his business and he would stay out of mines. But why? I won’t be offended if he is in mines. I have nothing to hide. I have been honest with everyone around me that I am messed up in the head over another woman that isn’t my wife. My wife knows how much I long for her. How much I feel I need her to keep my sanity. That would be something most people hide from. But I want to be confronted. And I want my wife to know me completely. There have only been 5 people in my life that have been stable for me. And it’s because they have a high tolerance for my antics. My uncle is one of them. He is resilient. And he can take it. I just want a good conversation.