Breaking my daze. Self-Reflection

Self-awareness:

• Who am I? What are my core values, beliefs, and motivations?

I am a tiny gorilla being hurled through space amidst the chaos of energies and forces. All species of animals and plants are in this struggle to survive together. I believe the best way to help people is with organized resources and structures. People need time and patience to be introduced to these resources. New people are born, older people forget. But consistency is the key to helping people. I am not ashamed to admit that my main motivation in life is intimacy. I will never hold a grudge as it is not worth my limited energy.

• What are my strengths and weaknesses? What am I good at, and what do I struggle with?

I am really good at organizing and training. Once I have something in my mind, I build a road map to the goal that I feel is good. I am am very adaptive and can get new information implemented quickly. I love my training skills. I walk through every step and thought as thoroughly as possible to make sure me and the trainee are on the same page. I am consistent with those that I love and never will I turn my back on them.

I am really reactive. Pinned with my back against the wall, I fight. Entitlement annoys me. I find it hard to let people just do the bare minimum. I find it hard to express myself without seeming pompous and smarter-than-thou. I act like I am a prince and only want to do things I want to do. I have a very hard time relaxing and just living life. I think about sex alot. LIKE ALOT ALOT. A WHOLE AXELOT!

• What are my passions and interests? What makes me feel alive and engaged?

I love helping people. Helping them out of a rut, learn, and grow. It makes me feel good when I can figure out solutions and teach them prevention. This has always made me a good technician and is my favorite job to do. Helping people makes me feel like I have done my part in the game of life. It’s looking very likely that I will not have kid of my own. If I can help others and their kids, I know that I can die fulfilled.

• What are my emotional triggers? How do I react to stress, conflict, and difficult emotions?

I like to call things out that need change. I don’t mind being called out but I do ask for a conversation that most people don’t want to have. They only seem to want to cut me down and expose some perceived flaw. I couldn’t care less what others think of me. I am a good man with a good set of morals. I let it be known that they can’t hurt me. I stand up for myself and my beliefs and work towards growth.

Lately, I have been extra vulnerable. I recently learned how to cry. This newfound power has changed my perspective on how I respond to people. Everyone is just looking for love and fulfillment. Same as me.

Personal goals and aspirations:

• What do I want to achieve in life? What are my short-term and long-term goals?

I want to retire early. This way I can focus my full attention on my family and helping as many people as I can.

Short-term – Finish college, get my E3B, start my first business.

Long-term – Retire when I am 45, start multiple business that focus on helping people, and reunite my family.

• What kind of person do I want to be? What qualities do I admire and want to cultivate in myself?

I want to be a reliable and down-to-Earth guy. I need to work on my ability to empathize and communicate.

• What kind of impact do I want to make on the world? What legacy do I want to leave behind?

With my life view of being a tiny gorilla, I don’t really care how I am seen efter I die. I help people because it makes me feel good. That’s all I need

Relationships and social interactions:

• How do I build and maintain healthy relationships with others?

Right now, I only have about 4 people I keep up with. I have been starting to have video lunches with my family members. I feel like this is a good start with them. The only thing that sucks is it feels like I am the only one making the effort. At least with my best friend and wife, it is a mutual checking up on each other. With them, I feel like they cherish my time. And I cherish there’s. Perhaps that is the magic sauce of relationships is.

• How do I communicate effectively with others, both verbally and nonverbally?

I speak how my mind speaks to me. I blurt out stuff and can be obnoxious. I think I have an excellent strategy to help me fix this. I plan on making videos on TikTok and YouTube. They will be well thought out and I will work on speaking concisely to get my messaging out there.

I believe that the World of words and understanding is based off intent. It’s a spectrum of intent that points either more positively or negatively. That pendulum that swings between the two is chaotic energy. I like to inject chaotic energy and push for positivity. I call things out, but I am ready with ideas and a good conversation.

• How do I resolve conflict and manage disagreements in a constructive manner?

I am consistent. Whenever there is conflict, it takes time for people, myself included, to dissect and construct solutions. It is okay, in my mind, to call things out, react poorly, and come back with a more convincing position. I give people the time. If they don’t reflect and come up with better arguments, they are gonna be trampled cause I did. Overtime, they learn.

One might ask, “Who is you to be giving unsolicited advice and pushing your ideas”. My response, “Just some random guy looking for a good conversation”. Then a carefree shoulder shrug.

• How do I show empathy and compassion for others?

Mm. I don’t. I am just learning how to do this. It annoys me when people refuse to help themselves and want handouts and entitlements without any effort on their end. I am a big believer in being the captain of your ship. Take responsibility. Do your part to help others. Leave resources to help others learn and grow.

• How do I set healthy boundaries and respect the boundaries of others?

I am very upfront with my beliefs and expectations. I don’t dance around something I don’t like. I confront and look for solutions. I have gained alot of respect from my peers for this. But I have also made alot of enemies.

Personal growth and development:

• What am I willing to learn and grow? What new skills or knowledge do I want to acquire?

EVERYTHING! This is probably my biggest weakness. I want to learn everything just to know. That is an impossible task, I know. But I will always endeavor to learn. Let’s keep this simple. Top 5 things I want to learn right now: how to dance, how to sing, Kubernetes, marketing, and graphic design. These will help me build confidence and help me build my first business

• How can I step outside my comfort zone and challenge myself?

Dance and sing in public. It is very uncomfortable for me to do this for multiple reasons. When I was in middle school, we had a karaoke machine. My mom would hog it all the time. When she wasn’t using it, she wasn’t paying attention to m brother and me using it. It made me feel like it was my secret to keep or something. I noticed that when I try to sing when someone is around, I lose my voice and the words get jumbled in my head. When I am alone there is no problem.

• How can I overcome my fears and self-limiting beliefs?

By my 35th birthday, I will perform and record a choreographed dance and sing my heart out and not give a flying ‘eff’ about what anyone thinks. I can work out more to be more comfortable with my body.

• How can I practice self-compassion and acceptance?

More research needed. I think I am pretty good at accepting myself but I also haven’t delve into what that means.

• How can I create a life that is aligned with my values and purpose?

I want to surround myself with people that are self-motivated and hard working. These are the people that I love and want to spend my energy keeping.