Clean Up Day

I got another person who reached out to me today expressing how much they love my music and if I pay this amount of money then they will promote me. I am such a beast when it comes to replying back.

I said: Aweeee!!! Thank you so much for your interest. Unfortunately, I don’t have a budget for marketing yet. I pay for everything on my own with no help..so I usually spend my hard earned money on recording. Waiting for someone who just believes in my music and wants to push my music for free…those are the real supporters! Until then, I’m standing on a promise that the real ones will show up and say hey, she didn’t pay me to say this…but I like her music and I believe in her! Thank you for reaching out! Follow my account for a follow back…that’s free, right?

their response was a follow. I REFUSE to pay anyone to play my music. My music is a BLESSING bitch! Wtf should I pay anyone to play my mutherfucking music??? Good music should be enough…

excuse my French but I can’t help but curse. I get so passionate about my shit! I always want to be undeniably good. So many professionals told me I was delusional and the last time I heard that word was a girl named Kelly who used it in a different way…she said I have to be almost delusional…like there is no other choice but to become what I want to be. Unfortunately, I’m not that good at make believe..when I walk past the trash in my complex and see all the stray cats-it’s difficult to “un see” my reality.

today, my energy has surged back! I’m about to see Dr. Do….he always says: HERE IS MY MOST BEAUTIFUL PATIENT…I wonder if he tells that to everyone. The way he says it though…it seems like I’m the only one. He’s a very quiet and peaceful man. I love how he walks around his institution in the early morning around 5am…it seems like he’s in deep prayer that he has successful surgeries for each patient.

He always asks: WHATS NEW?!? Today I’ll text him my new music video and I’ll tell him my next film is coming out on Amazon Prime on December 22nd. I’ll also tell him that I auditioned for a film and hope I get a callback from the casting director.

usually, I don’t like the pressure of being asked what’s happening with my career…but with him, I know he wants me to succeed! He truly believes in me.

afterwards, I’m picking up my neighbor so he can help clean all my dishes, help me clean behind the fridge and stove and keep me company as I clean the bathroom and hang up my clothes. I’ll give him $20 for this. He will be ok with that.

im blessed to have this platform. Ever since I stopped smoking, my mind races with so many thoughts. Also, I learn from the things I say. Like yesterday I said that I have to be my own coach…well I’m gonna fully own that shit.

im going to start singing and dancing to my songs. I’m going to envision myself giving a concert and looking at my body motions and hearing myself sing. I’m going to be aware of my body shape and maybe incorporate crunches, squats and push ups each day. I know I’m being a bit ambitious when I say these things but….what’s the point of lying around and sulking…?

one commentator said it sometimes mean “being in the right place at the right time”…but I also have to be READY. I need to have my stage presence on 100. And I will!

I wrote Apollo yesterday but it’s not going to stop there…I’m going to write Vogue once a week. I love fashion and I love Anna wintour…I’m going to ask her to invite me to the met ball. That would be a dream come true for me.

I may be little but I’m going to own that too. So what if I’m only 5 feet. Im going to own it like mutherfucking tinker bell. That bitch tinker bell is fine…her body shape is like mines…we got Ass and we are small. Im like thumbelina in this bitch and I’m going to own it. So what I’m not 5’7…so what my legs aren’t long…I’m going to work with what I got. People like to say I’m SHORT. They say that word in a nasty way. YOU’RE SHORT. Next time they say that, I’m going to say, you’re right im small and your big. Im petite and you’re well …the opposite!

anyways, I better get ready…my appointment is in 30 min. I don’t have to wear makeup…just dress cute. then I have to pick another outfit when I clean the place with Jerry, my neighbor.

gotta go…ttyl