My 7 year Crush

This is my first diary. So I want to share about my girlcrush for 7 years. It’s normal to have a crush right? But is it still a crush if the consistency remains when you see that person? Currently I am having a battle with myself whether it’s a “Yes” or “No”.  I have this “happy crush” when I started in my current work during the year  2016. Let’s call this human as  “Luca” (not the real name of course).

This person I saw is cute, has cute dimples, long hair, she’s smaller than me. Intelligent, smart, kind and religious. During my newbie era, I saw her one day in one of the bulletin boards with some other achievers within the company but she caught my attention. I don’t know how, I don’t why but having a crush on her that’s how it all started. I saw her finally, in our pantry while having her coffee, reviewing for the certification that she needs to complete. And that day, everything sparkled around her. Everyday, I like seeing her in the office. Have you ever felt that way? Having the motivation to work because your crush is just nearby. Oh the butterflies in my stomach!

I really like seeing her. But she has this girl who is always beside her. Who always  with her. During lunch time, during end of day, LIKE EVERYDAY. Even when they eat and go outside. But I never thought that she has a romantic relationship with the girl. I have a feeling that this person is only a “bestfriend”. But to be honest I got jealous. My thoughts were like this, I wish I was her so I can be beside Luca. But it’s just a thought, so never happened.

Luca never knew me at all, because I was newbie and she started 2 or 3 years ahead of me. It’s kinda weird, but we always met in the eyes. Whenever I look at her she always caught me. But then again, my stare always bear my sweetest smile.

Does that mean, she’s also looking at me whenever we cross our paths? Maybe I’m a little weird or scary? I don’t know.

2017 and 2018, I still have the same feelings for her. Never changed. Until 2018, my father died and I need to go home from work.

Our eyes met but this time, I came from crying. But I could still remember how Luca looked at me during that time. What I could also remember is her angelic face that calmed me. Despite having sorrow, there’s still something beautiful that day.

2019, it’s the same so I added her in LinkedIn as my network. Luca accepted me!!!! I’m so happy. But I never messaged her on something.

Then 2020 came, pandemic was killerjoy of someone’s happiness. I always think of Luca. I never added her in any social media, only in LinkedIn. But seems like she doesn’t have any update nor any posts she liked and reposted. That came to my mind, she probably resigned. I never thought of checking her in company’s org since then.

2021, I saw one email came from her! I was surprised and I cannot contain my happiness that she’s already part of senior management!!! Like I was so HAPPY!!!!!! She’s so young but the achievements she had. All the butterflies came back.

2022, Return in the office. It’s hybrid so I was the person to come to the office and I saw her who just sitting nearby. Like I can see Luca with my eyes. But sad thing is, I am nearsighted. I couldn’t see her face clearly whenever I want to stare from behind. But the good thing is, I can see her almost everyday, like I know when she was there. When God gave me all the chances and from all of those chances, she still never know me. I haven’t talked to her, we never interacted, like nothing at all. But my feelings were still the same. And this year, 2022 I followed her on instagram. But she never followed me.

October 13, to be exact. She resigned. I was working from home. I saw her IG story post on Oct 14. I was late. Felt like a crampled paper.

Even sending the “All the best” message has the hesitation if I’m going to push through or not. But I still sent it without any expectations that she’ll respond back. But she responded! “Thank you😊”.

Guess who’s happy? ME! 😍

But have you ever felt that way? That feeling of getting demotivated because your 7 year crush will now be out of your sight whenever your at work on weekdays. Waited for days to update her LinkedIn profile on where she currently is. And voila! She lived and work which is very near from me.

By the way, I am a she too. That’s why I cannot make any move towards her.

End of story for now.

Goodnight and thanks for reading! 🙂