Thursday 10/19/23

10:10a.m. I had a good night with no weird dreams. Also didn’t have arthritis pain or muscle spasms. I slept sell and the aides were good to me last night. I was awake by 5:30. They cleaned me up. changed my briefs , dressed me and got me in my wheelchair. I called Chocolatschip and we talked for a while. Then she wanted to get ready for another doctor’s appointment.

I slept in my chair until they served breakfast. I had two sausage paddles, scrambled eggs and English muffins. as usual the eggs were cold but I ate them anyways. The coffee was hot but it failed to do the job. I went back to sleep and slept until it was time for the social.

I am at the coffee social I had my second cup of the day. I am feeling a bit more alert. The coffee is working its magic. I could use another cup..But they are limiting us to one cup. I’m still having a good time though. It is nice to get out of my room.

But I did have a minor meltdown this morning. The nursing home was without phone or Internet service. I was a tad bit upset because my daily routine of talking to Chococolatechip and writing my morning entry was interrupted.Damn Internet. I get so attached to technology and take it for granted the minor disruption causes anxiety. Thank God I was finally able to get connected.All is right with the world.

12:36p.m. I didn’t have a very good time at the coffee social. For some reason I got so depressed. I was doing good then it came over me all of a sudden. I ended up just sitting in my wheelchair holding my head in my hands. I also felt incredibly lonesome and uncomfortable being around people. I wished I could just crawled in a hole someplace and die.

But I stayed for lunch. It wasn’t very good. I ate a tuna salad sandwich, cup of potato salad and Mandarin oranges for dessert. Lunch made me sick After lunch I made my way back to my room. I am experiencing a mild bloated feeling. Pain level is a two. But I will be ok once my stomach settles.

I had an accident while I was at the social. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed when I do that in public. I should of left them but I was tied to the oxygen machine. I could not get help until after lunch. This might of been why I got so depressed . Not being able to control your bladder in public is very humiliating.

I’m soaked now and I need my briefs changed. I will not be able to get help because the aides ate taking care of lunch trays. I will be sitting in urine for at least another hour. Sitting in my own pee is another thing that causes depression. I will never get used to this.

4:09p.m. The aide came and put me to bed at 3:30. I was dry for a few minutes then peed myself as soon as she left. I bet so damned mad at myself when this happens. I swear I hate being incontinent.i wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy. It is doubly humiliating that I can’t change myself and need help.

Then I called Chocolatschip. I called at a bad time. She had just gotten home from the hospital. She was in time to watch Dr Phil, her favorite show. I sort of ruined it for her. Chococolatechip set me straight on them matter. I know better than to call her at three.

It was just we hardly talked all day and I was missing her. Like I said there was no Internet until ten this morning. With the Internet down my phone wouldn’t work.. Then I was at that stupid coffee social. Chococolatechip had a couple appointments. She was gone all afternoon. I knew she would be home by three so I called her.

6:30p.m. I had spaghetti for dinner. I love spaghetti so it was delicious. Also had a dinner roll then a chocolate cake. The only thing I did not like about it was it made me bloated. But I’m not too bad tonight. Pain is a at a two on my one to five pain scale. I’ll be ok once I get some Mylanta. I talked with Chococolatechip after I ate. We talked briefly because she wanted to go to bed.

One thing she talked about was buying a new airbed next month. She said her present bed is polluted with bed bugs. I said getting a new airbed is more important than an Amazon gift card. She said she will work out a budget for November. Chococolatechip still has money left over from this month. She will hang on to that for dear life. This month’s money will help pay for her bed.

Before I go for the night I have one more bitch about the nursing home. I haven’t had ice water in three days. The last time I asked they said there was no water. But they give out water for meds and have water for coffee. I’m going to mention this to the nurse tonight