To my anonymous noter…
To whoever wrote the following, I would love to reply to your comments, but can’t since they’re anonymous…
Why are you upset with her, when it’s your husband who was and is the one lying to you?
The first paragraph "When Stephen and I got together he was dating a woman" shows that he was a cheat on her with you. Yeah they may not had children, but he was still a cheat.
Don’t blame her for his inability to be honest. I can bet if he were to see a woman who he was attracted to and thought he wouldn’t get caught, he would cheat on you with the new woman.
What made you think he would be faithful, if when you met he was cheating on a woman? Did you really think you would be that special to him?
He doesn’t care about you or the children because he continually lies to you.
Your blaming a woman for your husbands lies.
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I should have elaborated more on the fact that he was "Dating" her… They were seeing each other and were also at liberty to see other people. He lived in Illinois and she lived in Alaska and they were in agreement that it was not an exclusive relationship.
As for thinking that I would "Be that special to him"? Yes. I do have that expectation because we stood before God and vowed to be "that special" to each other. Even if things with Janet HAD been exclusive, I would expect more from him considering the fact that we are married and share three beautiful children.
Do I blame her for his inability to be honest? No. Not at all. I blame him for that and I’ve made it clear to him. I blame HER for continuing to persue a relationship with him (friendship or otherwise) when she knows that he is very clearly taken. I spoke to her on the phone after the original incident of them talking while he was at school and she told me that they knew I would be upset if I knew that they were talking. She is not so ignorant that she didn’t KNOW I would be upset… She admitted to that and yet she talked to him anyway.
After that she contacted him again and again (even using her military AKO account to look up my husband’s information after he changed his email address). THAT is what I blame her for. Call me old fashioned, but I see no reason for a woman to actively persue another woman’s husband, whether she knows the woman or not.
I blame HIM for his lying, and that is what that entry was about and it was HIM that I confronted, not -her-.. I don’t have to like her, and I have every right to think she’s a whore and would love to wreck my marriage, but I don’t blame her for my husband’s faults. He owns them by himself.
Also, I don’t really think you’re right that Stephen would cheat on me, but thank you for your opinion. I have my doubts about him sometimes, but for the most part I do trust him. Maybe I was too harsh or maybe you took my entry a bit too far, but I don’t think he doesn’t care for myself and the kids. He’s careless, yes… But even if he was unhappy in our relationship and wanted to be with Jan, I don’t think that would make him love our children any less.
Maybe it’s good that you didn’t sign your note, as I obviously had a lot to say in reply to it anyway. Thanks for your notes, though, just the same and I hope I’ve clarified the situation a little better.
Whew. A few nasty noters around at the moment…. Good reply. RYN: Thanks! I thought that entry would be boring for others but JUST HAD to get those thoughts down. I feel so much lighter now that I’ve done it! And as to your situation -well, I hope Stephens’ current initiative pays some dividends, and you both end up happier… I really do!
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RYN: TB isn’t incurable anymore. They have treatments for it. I was kind of looking forward to dying in a dramatic way like the chick from Moulin Rouge, though. 🙁 Oh well!
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This is why it is not an option to leave an unsigned note on my diary. People can be such a**holes when they are anonymous. I think it shows lack of courage to write something like that and then not sign. Come on, grow some balls:) Good reply BTW. I think she’s a whore too, and I don’t even know her. I don’t even really know you, but I am totally on your side on this one!
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Anonymous noters just don’t have the balls. IMO.
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Haha! A dramatic death is only good if someone rubs it in Adam’s face afterwards. I think I’d rather die of old age, with a smile, surrounded by my family and friends, and feeling completely at peace with myself. That’d be a good way to die.
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RYN: OK, I actually just LOL’ed for your note:) For real. You know what, we can go so far to call the anonymous noter a whore too. Who cares, they started it:)
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Hm..no they should not pursue another women’s husband. But will they? Of course. because everyone is looking out for their own happiness, and will do whatever it takes to grab that. Regardless that sucks.
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hmmm…anonymous noters are losers im sorry if u leave a note u should be man enough to back it up!! defend your opinion!! thats why my diary only accepts signed notes-i dont want people that are afraid to say what they think give me advice!!
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Great answer !
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You are so mature! Most people would have blown up at the anonymous noter and you have a GREAT answer! 🙂 I hope they take the time to read your response!
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RYN: Thank you. Even words from a stranger can seem comforting at this point in my life.
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Anonymous noters and a complicated love life? Fun, then 🙂 Though is it still a love life if you’re married? One would hope so, but generally people use that phrase for people who are dating and things. Hmmm
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Hey thanks, things are going well and I feel a lot better. Wanna know something funny I was looking at that 30 day sex challenge thingy and the church that is doing it is right down the street from where my bf works.
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Just ran across you diary and read this entry What jumped out at me is this they knew I would be upset if I knew that they were talking. She is not so ignorant that she didn’t KNOW I would be upset… She admitted to that and yet she talked to him anyway. What about your hubby? If he KNEW you’d be upset then HE should have put the breaks on before ANY conversaiton
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took place. IT is HIS place as a FAITHFUL husband to discourage and not enable anyone Past present or future to even FATHOM they would have a chance to interfere in your marriage. I Know I’ve been there…take a look at my diary if you want. I know how this mess works. People can change (IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE) just because you get married doesn’t mean you change.
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ryn ~ TY…Good I’m glad that you are placing the blame where it needs to be. I see so many guys blameshift and keep their spouse mad at the other woman so that she can’t/doesn’t make him own his own mistakes. If she’s still trying to contact him my advice would be this: Sit down with him and make a phone call (TOGETHER) and while your sitting right there make him tell her in front of you that sheneeds to stop otherwise you (meaning both of you) will see this as harassment & will procede with legal action. Usually, that puts them in their place (at least with ours it did) & then I would suggest some major conversation. Set boundries and make sure he knows you are dead serious. If he talks to her in any way you are outtie…. and stick to it. No Contact of any kind was one of my boundries & to this day H knows if he crosses it…I’m G.O.N.E no questions asked. I made it clear I was tired of the worry, hurt & humiliation that came with HER knowing that she could pick up the phone or drop an email & he’d reply. I deserve better & our daughter does. I got the same boundry from H. NO CONTACT with the other man of any kind or he’s out the door. Because now it’s a respect thing for us.
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LOL at me as a porn addict!!!! I’m so conservative when it comes to that sort of stuff – afraid to unleash the power I guess!!!
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LOL at Stephen crying his eyes out! For some reason I have a humorous picture in my head of him sobbing cartoon style….
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ryn: thank you! I emailed him the entry 🙂
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Yay! You got me on my birthday! Am having a nice one too – just shared a seafood platter with my mother…
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RYN: I am also a big fan of Annabell, or Merabelle, or Arabelle, or anything belle. I forgot about those:) Thanks:)
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Where are you? Long time no update? Thanks for the nice note, I suppose I will miss trying to gain instead of lose weight:) Hope all is well and happy snappy in your world:) Take care!
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