Tap, tap, tap.

                     Is this the start, the beginning of endless words and the tip tapping of my keyboard?

                The key strokes that bounce up and down much like my emotions. Oh, how they just tap, tap, tap. Up and down the keys go, almost effortlessly. But my life isn’t just the same, it’s a strenuous effort some days; a big stretch to make it to the end of the day. Or my day starts off decent and then I find myself in disappointment yet again, like a movie replaying that I’ve seen a million times. This movie isn’t one I wish to keep replaying, it’s not some famous and classic series. It’s something that anyone with any smarts would run from in fact. And just as I feel secure in things with him, does he do something again to ripple that foundation. Is this just a red flag or his inability to achieve something in life, or the stubbornness that burdens him and I must see. It’s really hard when you feel like you’re second to all of his friends, even when you’ve mentioned the day and activity you’d like to do together. I feel like the words…“I already have plans sorry love” might just be imprinted upon my daily thoughts like a red pen to a test. I always hated that damn red ink! Oh, how it would taunt me. Red means stop. But I can’t seem to listen to this lesson. I’m holding back, reeling it in after having my walls down. Oh how they keep going up and down as times goes on. Good flags, down. Inconsistent communication, up. Quality time, down down down. And it goes on and on. I just feel like screaming, but I mustn’t. Don’t show too much, hide, protect and keep away. He will take my heart and squish it right in front of me like the others. OR could he be the one I’ve yearned for and this issue is just a bump in our path? It’s really a matter of what will I allow just to have him. To be frank, I’m not sure.

Dreamer🌟