Oh, I’m So Evil!

I’m now 58 and was 7 at Wylde Green Primary School, Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham. I was always good with English but useless at Math. Classmate Joanna was the other way around, she was fantastic with numbers. Our English/Math teachers were always yelling at us for not getting good scores in the subject we couldn’t do but were also always praising us for that one that we did well; to this day I can’t do numbers so thankfully, here at work, I have a physical calculator, one each on my laptop and mobile and also a cash till!

One day in the hall while we were all lining up for dinner, Joanna came running over to me complaining bitterly, in tears, that Miss had yet again shouted at her for getting very low scores in English, something like 2/10, whereas I couldn’t even get 1/10 in Math! Joanna was always one of those kids who was full of herself and thought she was above everyone, and she was loud, gobby and disruptive. Miss had had a go at her for getting another wrong spelled word. She asked me ‘’How do you spell science?’’ I replied ‘’Science’’. She screamed ‘’No it’s not! It’s ciunz!’’ Other kids also fell around laughing, even those who couldn’t spell!

I burst into fits of laughter and said ‘’No wonder Miss shouted at you!’’ She wouldn’t believe me so I said we’ll ask the dinner lady when we get to the front. She looked at the dinner lady and said ‘’Please, Miss, how do you spell science, as in what really clever people do?’’ and she replied ‘’Oh, that’s easy, it’s science!’’.

Joanna looked at me, cried some more, grabbed her tray and stomped off to one of the huge hexagon-shaped tables, alone, sat down with her little legs dangling, lip up, arms folded and head down, not eating. I made a beeline for her table as I passed with my tray I said ‘’ppff!’’ like I was saying up yours and walked off to my own table.

As I was just about to eat she came running over, fists balled like Popeye and, still in tears shouted ‘’YOU!’’ and I sarcastically replied ‘’That’s y.o.u if you didn’t know!’’

She ran screaming through the kids and tables shouting ‘’I WANT MY MUMMY!’’

To this day I still clearly remember blond and pretty but obnoxious Joanna and occasionally wonder what she’s doing now but I can’t image her having a PhD in English and I haven’t even got one Basic Level 2 Certificate in Math!

Even at such a young age I had a brilliant sense of humour!