Wednesday 9/27/23

9:47a.m I had very painful muscle spasms all night long.  Consequently, I didn’t sleep very well .When I did sleep o had one friggin nightmare after another  I don’t remember these dreams, thank God for all favors. When the aides woke me up this morning I felt like road kill

I slept in my wheelchair until they served breakfast which sucked. I had a sweet  roll and cold scrambled eggs. Breakfast and coffee didn’t help much. I went back to sleep. Chococolatechip called and woke me up. 

Chococolatechip was in good spirits despite having a bad night Ithe Bitch Clique threw another party. She said they were very loud and carried on until eleven. I said you ought to tell George. They will just deny it she said. Then she will get blamed for being a rat. She also said someone pounded on her door real loud. We talked briefly then  she had to get ready for a doctor’s appointment.

I had a hard time waking up. I could go back to sleep. But I will soon go down to the coffee social The extra coffee will get me going. 

3:21p.m. I didn’t have a good time at the social. I was very tired and depression hit me big time. I had a cup of coffee. It didn’t do anything for me so I went back to my room. I ate lunch in my room. It was ok. I had Hungarian beef over pasta, zucchini and cornbread. I had a cup of jello for dessert. But I was so tired and depressed not even a good meal could cheer me up.

I think it is that damned Stephen King and Peter Straub book Black House that made me so depressed. I was reading some very gruesome material last night. It was a out a serial dubbed The Fisherman. He kidnaps and tortures children. The story is set in a small Wisconsin town called French Landing. The town itself and the people in it seem to be going crazy. The stupid book gave me nightmares all night long.

I also had very painful muscle spasms and the arthritis in my legs were killing me. This was another factor that gave me depression. But I slept most of the day. I was sleeping when the aides came in at 2:00 put me to bed and changed my briefs. I feel somewhat better now that I’m back in bed. 

Chococolatechip called soon after I was put in bed. We talked for a long time. She had a doctor’s appointment today. The doctor scheduled a colonoscopy sometime next month. She also talked about Eddie the Moocher. He told her that he was in the hospital for four days. The  Mooch asked her what she will fix him for supper. Chococolatechip said she is running out of food. She is going back to not answering her door.

Chococolatechip also suggested I might try to reading something else I said I hate not reading a book I bought. I feel like I’m wasting my money if I don’t read a book from cover to cover. That damned book did give me the creeps though But I told Chococolatechip I will start reading it tonight after supper. I intend to read every page even if I do get nightmares

She also asked if my former employer Eagle Manufacturing called. I said I called them two or three times and left a message . They did not call back. I’m very curious about why they want to contact me after all these years . But I’m not going to bother calling again. I also said I was obsessing over that stupid letter. It brought back some unpleasant memories. Perhaps that contributed to the depression I said. 

Despite being depressed, and in pain I’m proud of myself. I do intend to read tonight. This will mark a 49 day reading streak. I’ll start after supper and read till ten. I should get a couple chapters down tonight. Despite everything I enjoy reading scary books. 

6:26p.m. I had an Italian Pasta and a biscuit for supper. It was ok. I couldn’t eat it all because I got very bloated. I had enough to eat anyways. I called Chocolatschip after I ate. We talked about different things for a half hour. She has yet another doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon. She also has a phone interview with her nurse practitioner at CMP in the morning. There are no end to doctor’s appointments.

The depression spell has lifted. Talking with Chococolatechip always makes me feel good. Been going through some painful bm since supper though. I swear it is so humiliating when you get old. I have no control over BM or my bladder. Then I practically have to beg for help to get changed. To make matters worse I have to wait for hours for any kind of help. No wonder I get depressed a lot . Getting old is definitely not for sissies.

Chococolatechip was telling me that she came across an article about Phil Donahue. He is 87. I said I wonder if I’ll live to be that old. She said only God knows the answer to that. I am hear for a reason. Chococolatechip also said she needs me . I said you will always have me. We are both hear for each other. I guess Chococolatechip is the reason I’m still hear. 

Well I guess it is time for my book Black House. I’m kind of scared to get started with it tonight. But all the same I’m drawn to that shit. I keep telling myself it is only a book. It is just a fiction. Nothing in that story can possibly hurt me. But for some reason I’m reluctant to get started. I really am kinda of scared to find out what happens next. But I can’t help myself.

9:01p.m I’ve been reading Black House.  I read chapter two over again. It was some still scary. I’d like to read more but I’m getting sleepy. Still I want to find out what happens next. So I will stay up and read until I drop