I couldn’t…..

1. Write it. I tried writing him a letter, telling him how I felt and I couldn’t pull the words from my head. It sounded like jibberish and whining.

Tonight I am about 5 drinks tipsy…. and working with my cards… lol spirit really loves calling me out on bullshit. But I wouldn’t trade this connection. A lot of cards have been flipped out to me from different decks tonight. Some of the same messages about self sabotage and procrastination…. but also some about me not embracing the single life. Seriously I just don’t see why I should continue having that hope or letting that eternal flame burn that I will meet that one person who won’t be like all the predecessors….

I think I’m a little jaded at this point… 44 and the 3 loves of my life have come and gone, ended for different reasons. The first 2, at least I can say I know without a doubt why they ended. Both for entirely different reasons, but we were adults and closure was there…and we eventually became to the point of being able to be happy for each other’s accomplishments and happiness… yes even Mal’s dad (although I still have to question his relationship decisions)

But after 14 years of being single, opening up to someone to be led on for maybe 7 or 10 months (not sure if I should consider November, December & January as being together) how can I even put my trust and heart in another’s hands? Why should I listen to spirit and wait for this person to appear in my path?

So yeah…. not writing the letter because f*ck him 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣

So now I am going to shower and try to get some sleep… and start tomorrow with the not procrastinating….and I still need to see what Alice (my best friend deck) has to say… she’s usually straight forward and blunt lol