That “haven’t posted guilt”

Every time I have something to say, I think to myself “I should make a post about it on OD” but I lack motivation and the icon for the website is waaaay over there->.

So, then I start trying to compose something in my head that’ll be worth reading again, later, and the weight of all those words starts becoming too much … doing nothing just takes less effort.

Not a good mindset to get into, in my life, since it will be so simple to slip into the Hermit stage of my life and never see another person again.  Something in my brain, that cares in some minor way about my well-being, suggests that I should be putting that off longer, however, so I need to find something to keep me moving enough not to grow grass.

I need a new gaming group.  The one I game with right now has been less interested in playing than they used to be – partly my own fault, party their overscheduled lives.  Whatever the case, I need to find a couple more people in my area to game with so we can get back into it – and I can have that thing to work toward each week.

Yet … my schizoaffective crap ruins it.  It tells me that no one would want to play with me; that no one could put up with me; that they’ll be judging and whispering about me; that I can read their disdain in their eyes … that I can read their minds …

It makes things difficult.

At any rate, gotta go while I have enough energy to hit the “Publish” button way ove