Best Friend, In Title Only?

Sometimes we find ourselves in the midst of situations that, in the end, we are helpless to control.  Maybe the best solution is to run, but what about those situations where running just isn’t an option?  I guess there are times when you just have to tolerate things until the escape route finally presents itself. 

As I have mentioned countless times before, I am an introvert by nature and always have been.  I do not seek out social situations.  I do not look to associate with others.  I don’t do well in gatherings of more than four people, being that I have a tendency to disappear into the background and become nearly invisible.  This is just who I am and I have always known this about myself.  I usually don’t advertise this about myself because there’s never really any reason why I would need to.  While it’s not demeaning, it’s not entirely flattering either.  This is just who I am. 

Serena decided that I needed to accompany her as she and a few of our female co-workers wanted to get something to eat as a group this past week.  She had sort of put me in a weird spot, being that she had asked me to go, while literally standing in front of those same co-workers.  I almost felt compelled to agree to join them, though at the time, I didn’t think much of it and figured that there wouldn’t be any harm in attending.  All this would mean is that I would need to rely on work persona for a few more hours, which I knew I could do without much effort.  You see, my work persona is quite different from my normal introverted self.  The work version of the Visionary is outgoing, seemingly social, and very conversational.  Work Visionary is everything that the normal, everyday Visionary is not.  Serena knew this already.

I know that this was a ploy to spend more time with me, but I think it was also a test, so that Serena could see exactly how I do in social situations when it’s not just the two of us.  I was ready for the entire meal and the social situation that this created (and I thought that I was doing well and holding my own in what really wasn’t that bad of a social setting), though I wish I had anticipated what happened towards the end of the meal, when she and two of our co-workers were eating dessert.  For whatever the reason, she and Vee decided that they were going to take shots at me, calling me out because of my age, among other things.  I don’t remember what those other “things” were because I either tuned them out or because they weren’t funny or relevant.  Then out of the blue, Serena proceeds to refer to me as her “work wife”, effectively feminizing me and making it seem that somehow she holds all of the power in our in friendship/relationship.  She continues to chastise me, making note of the button-up shirt I happened to be wearing and in front of everyone, she looks at me and tells me that she likes her “wife” to have some semblance of modesty and “cover up”.  She then tells me that I need to do up the top-most button on my shirt.  Vee continues, and makes a comment about how I probably should completely button up because some of my chest hair is showing.  Truth be told, my chest hair is minimal as it is, but that’s not the point.  Together, Serena and Vee decided that attacking me was the way to go and sadly, they would both attribute their respective behavior to their sugar intake moments before.  I kept it cool and never said a word to either of them.  I know how I am, especially when anger sets in and I was not looking to make a scene in public, nor was I looking to tell either of them in front of our co-workers. 

As I write this, this would be the first time that I’m speaking about the incident to anyone.  I’ve been replaying this incident over and over in my head since last Thursday (08/24) and while I’m feeling better about myself, it’s made me want to rethink some things.  First of all, my self-esteem may have taken a brief hit that night, but I’ve since bounced back and in that regard, I’m back to some state of normalcy.  I am looking to dissolve all ties with Vee altogether.  I never cared much for her as it is, so that won’t be very difficult for me.  I know that she’s close friends with Serena, but I don’t care.  That’s their friendship and it has nothing to do with me.  They can be friends all they like.  But as for me and Vee, I am done with her. 

As for Serena, well, that’s a tougher endeavor because prior to Thursday night, I thought we were “best friends”, to use her terminology.  Maybe I don’t understand the concept of what being best friends means?  I know I’m old and all, but why would “best friends” mean something completely different for her than what I think it means?  I don’t know.  It just seems to me that you don’t belittle your “bestie” in front of others just for a cheap laugh and then have the audacity to blame such behavior on how much sugar you just consumed.   

For comparison, I offer this recent scenario.  Last Wednesday, Jackie’s phone had broken after one of her dogs had chewed on it.  I had sent Jackie one of our customary early morning text messages that very morning and to my surprise, she never responded to it.  I didn’t think much of it at the time.  I figured that she was busy and that she didn’t have an opportunity to reply.  Again, I didn’t think much of it, but it was uncharacteristic of her.  Later that morning, I would receive text messages from two of our common friends, both of whom wanted to advise me of Jackie’s cell phone challenges.  Had it not been for those two friends and their text messages, I would have never known.  Jackie had asked them to reach out to me, just so that I wouldn’t assume that she was ignoring me or that something bad had happened to her.  Jackie did not have to do that or go to such lengths for me, but she did.  It really was a small gesture, but I took it to mean that she cared and that meant a lot. 

I guess in the end, we all might have vastly different definitions of what a friend is, even a best friend at that.  In the end, I don’t quite know what to make of how they treated me or even why they did what they did. 

What I can say is this.  It is this kind of social interaction that makes me appreciate being an introvert.  I don’t seek people out.  I don’t look for opportunities to be social.  I keep to myself and I shall continue to enjoy my solitude.  After all, if I don’t care for and look after myself, who will?