Tea talk

I’m on my lunch break,  sitting in the garden with the sun shining and Sam is padding about the flower beds, looking for his next leafy victim. The lavender plants have suffered the most losses and just one lonely shrub remains. I’m sure I’ll find a hole in its place shortly – his paws make quick work.

We’re making the most of the sunshine in this hour of freedom and I’m trying to cheer myself up with some fresh air. I’ve realised this week that this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life. I don’t have any close friends nearby where I live, not even a work best friend to chat to when I’m in the office. I’m struggling with the TTC journey alone and this is probably the longest I’ve thought about or expressed how I’m feeling in weeks.

Being a childless women in her 30s is rough. For the first time in my life I don’t have anything in common with people my age and it’s most evident at work as all the women I work with have kids. I love talking about my dog, he is literally the light of my life right now, but I always feel judged when I do.. so I just don’t say much and I can’t really contribute to the kid chat because I don’t have any.

I’m hoping it will get better, or easier at least.. it has to? If nothing else, typing it out has made me feel less weighed down. l

Less thinking and more writing i think.