~I’ve Learned

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That no matter how protective you have been, there is just some things you can’t save them from.
~That death CAN happen to me, that it just isn’t other families.
~That Headaches can kill ya.
~That All Knowing Doctors, just don’t know everything.
~That some Doctors are JERKS!
~That Friends come to the hospital for your support. (I at first found it pointless, what was it going to change?)
~That Friends cry for you. (Sheesh you’d of thought it was their child who was dying)
~That Brain Death is irreversible
~That making the choice to Donate Organs or not, was HARD!

I HAVE LEARNED:
~What an Autopsy consisted of months later after it was performed. (never had a need to know before)
~That after the machines are turned off, the Lips get White & the Skin gets Cold very fast!
~Who my true Friends are.
~On my street that we were treated as if we had the Cooties.
~That people bring Food in your time of Need. (Even Honey Baked Hams from the Honey Baked Ham Store!)
~How the World went on unaware of my Loss.
~That my Body was on Auto Pilot in that first year.
~That when your child is in a Coffin that he really is dead. (I looked to see if he might be breathing)
~That riding in a Limo is no big Deal.
~That cooking for 3 people instead of 4 was hard. (Threw away alot of Leftover Food)

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That decision making was something I wanted no part in and even still I hate Choices.
~That staying Involved and Volunteering my time in the first year was beneficial to me.
~That it was good to do for others, instead of focusing just on me.
~That Nathan was more Popular & liked than he thought he was.
~That it was OK to say, No! When I don’t wanna.
~That just because some one says they are *Fine* doesn’t really mean they are.
~That just because some one is smiling, doesn’t mean they are Happy.
~That just because someone looks sad and is crying doesn’t mean they are Depressed.
~That just because someone wants to be alone doesn’t mean you should call them or knock on their door several times a day to see if they are alright.
~That it’s good to Journal & write your feelings out over and over.

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That keeping your feelings bottled up doesn’t help you in your Grief Journey.
~That dwelling on what could have been & Should of’s & What If’s are NOT Helpful.
~That’s it’s OK to keep your Child’s room as it is for as long as you want or need.
~That everyone Grieves Differently.
~That it wasn’t necessary for me to go to the Grave Site like so many do & that it was Ok to not do so.
~That people who stare at you are afraid to talk to you even though they are curious as to how you are & would prefer you speak first to break the Ice.
~That when you do finally do something different with your Child’s room, doesn’t mean you are denying his existence.
~That when people told me to call if I needed anything that I would never call and so—
~I would never tell someone to call if they needed anything, I would just make plans to do something for them or get together with them.
~That I was much more Sensitive now to others situations & more Sensitive within myself Emotionally.

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That somethings aren’t worth getting Uptight about
~To enjoy the Little Things more fuller.
~That Time has Lessen the Pain, but not Diminished it.
~How important it is to have a lot of Pictures of your Children. (& with you in them too)
~That Life is Not Fair!
~That it’s Important to tell people that you Love them & Care about them.
~That Cyber Hugs feel Good.
~To Listen More & share Opinions Less.
~That just cause I think of something Crazy, it doesn’t mean I AM Crazy!
~That I will always Grieve for my Son to some extent.

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That is was easy to misjudge my surviving Child’s Grief
~That my Surviving Child Grieves differently than I do.
~That it’s life as Usual for my Surviving Child mixed with the Grief they try to Bury.
~That the combo of Grief & a Moody Selfish Rebelling Teenager, SUCK!
~That there were some Stores I would never have a purpose to go into again.
~That there are lots of Foods I will never buy again.
~That Watching Mom’s & their Sons interact bring a smile to my face & make me sad at the same time.
~That Anticipation of the Day is usually harder than the Day itself.
~That little Memories out of the Blue when I least expected it, make me Cry
~That looking at my son’s 6th Grade Picture brought me to my Knees in Sobs the 1st 2 years.

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That talking to my Husband about our son is like Talking to a Brick Wall.
~That Connecting Online to others in Grief has been helpful to my Journey.
~That forgiving Family of their offenses is a good thing.
~That holding grudges only hurts me more.
~That People are VERY Clueless when it comes to a Death
~That People really do mean the best when they say stupid things, it’s all they know.
~That I was once a Clueless Person too.
~That it’s good not to make any rash decisions in the 1st year.
~That it’s ok to have a Pity Party now & then but—
~I won’t allow Grief to swallow me up totally.

I HAVE LEARNED:
~That Shirley Temple Movies are great *Pick Me Ups* when I am feeling Blue.
~That I should & could Rest in Jesus’ Arms & HE will Carry Me.
~That God is in Control & Has Perfect Timing.
~That even though I don’t Understand, I just need to Trust in God.
~That we were Blessed for the 12 years we had Nathan.
~That had Nathan not come into our lives at all, that our lives would be Strangely Incomplete.
~That I could have Fun again.
~That Life can be Good again.
~That I am like a Body missing a part. I WILL press on, but never the Same Again.
Lastly (though I am sure there are many More)—-
I HAVE LEARNED: A New Normal.
As Cindy Lightener says (Founder of MMADD),“Grief is the journey you take from the person you used to be, to the person you will become.”

Nathanael Adam- Forever 12
August 10, 1984 to August 28, 1996