~Kenny G

My Daughter has asked from time to time “Why I don’t Listen to Kenny G any more?” Oh I do, just not the older ones. Every time I hear them in a store the tunes take my Breath away.. A reminder of so much Pain. A reminder of my happy little life destroyed forever!

The First Kenny G CD’s I got are called *Duotones*-I love the *Songbird & Midnight Motion* Tunes and “Breathless”. I bought them about a year before Nathan Died. Then since them I have gone on to own them all. I just love the Alto Saxaphone and would love to learn to play it. Another Favorite is Boney James and I own all of his too.

This evening I Popped in *Breathless* into my Computer CD as I read Diaries, and Breathless is exactally what it did to me. I just sat back and thoughts began to come to me. Hearing this music immediately brought tears to my eyes. This empty feeling flooded my being. And the Memories Flowed, Taking me back to:The First Days, The First Weeks, The First MonthsThe FogThe Intense PainThe Dazed Walks through the StoresThe Foggy Drives in my CarWatching Mothers & Sons and Fathers & Sons, with JealouslyMy FriendsAvoiding the Kids on the StreetAvoiding the School BusFrontier Elementary and Challenger Middle SchoolHaving the Need to Tell People Over and Over What HappenedSarah Being so DistantServing Lunch to the Elderly and Being so Blessed!Lunch with my 3 Friends who Were There for Me and yet I Shared so LittleTeach Prims…That was so Incredibly hard. (I’m so glad my Church let me continue teaching I needed that Class, I needed to feel purpose. I did the best I could but it was so hard!!!)Those Days I Thought my Feelings would Drive Me Insane!Wanting to Scream and Hit Something but Never DidGoing into Nathan’s Room Looking at His Picture and Falling to my Knees in SobsLooking at Nathan’s Toys and ClothesAttending BSF (it was Minor Prophets that year. The Hardest Study of the Program)Wandering Around the Library & Media Play Looking at Books & CDWalking the Mall Looking From a Distance at The Stores I had No Need to Ever Step Foot in AgainCrying in my Car or in a StoreLack of Memory and Hating to Make DecisionsTrying to Learn to Cook for 3Saying Nathan Would of Like This or Done ThatWondering What the heck my Purpose Was.

Oh, I Miss that Boy!

It seems Soooo Long Ago and Yet just Yesterday. It will be 4 years on August 28th.. 4 YEARS!!!!! Each Day that Passes I am 1 More Day Further From When I last Held Him, Saw his Smile, Heard his Laugh, Heard him say “I Love You, Mom”, Felt his Arms Giving Me a Hug…..And YET One Day Closer to Joining Him in Heaven……

This past year has held a number of deaths of those very close to me, but I can not imagine what it would be like to lose one of my children. My prayers are with you.

((((())))) I said a prayer for you 🙂

Music can do that. It takes you back to the feelings of a time in the past.

It was 4 years ago May 31st that we lost Mike. All the feelings you speak of are very familiar to me!

SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS, BUT YOU ARE RIGHT WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL SEE HIM ONCE AGAIN. I BELIEVE THAT HE AND OTHER FAMILY MEMEBERS WILL COME TO GREET YOU AS YOU ENTER THE GATES OF HEAVEN. STAY STRONG 🙂

WOW! I JUST GOT DONE READING ALL YOUR NOTES YOU LEFT. 1ST ALLOW ME TO SAY THANKS FOR READING ALL THOSE ENTRIES. I WISH OTHERS WERE AS INTERESTED AS YOU. ALSO THANKS FOR THE NOTES THEY ALL WERE VERY NICE. 🙂

I HAVE READ THROUGH A LOT OF YOUR ENTRIES AND I REALLY LIKE YOUR DIARY. YOU ARE NOW CONSIDERED ONE OF MY FAVORITES. 🙂 HAVE A GOOD DAY

i dont know what to say but that my thoughts and prayers are with you.(((hugs)))

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} I’m so sorry,Mouser. Look for email that I am sending you at OD. Love

hugs bopeep unplugged

Thanks for dropping in.I will return the visit as soon as possible. Another persons prays are with you.I love another OD diarist saying…. Faith is a rainbow in every tear.True,without faith what are we?

YOU GOT MAIL AGAIN…….Did ya here that, Mouser???? I said YOU’VE got…oh ok you heard me…ok. @opendiary. I read your email this morning and wrote you back. GO READ….”I AM GOING TO BED” ok ok

“DON’T WAKE ME UP!” shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 😉

JUST gettin’ a drink…READ ALL NOTES…(nowAAAA)

Bookworm K

August 19, 2000

God Bless!!!:O)

I can really relate to this, Mouser. The details may differ, but I know about sadness, and longing, and pain. And I know about hope.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

I read your note about (S) starting college… are you nervous? Is she going away? I am an only child and my mom is very protective like you, but I think she is doing alright. We will miss each other’s company

2. This is not the first time I went away to college tho… I had a prior failed attempt (long story, maybe I’ll write an entry about it someday) but now I feel very confident about God’s will in my life =)

I remember reading your entries when you were writing them from the beginning. My heart still aches for you. Bless you and may God give you comfort.

EMAIL @opendiary. 🙂 Blessings!!!!

my baby died before i knew i was pregnant…the only time i’d ever been pregnant & don’t know if they were a girl or boy…but i know where he/she is at:)

OK with SOUND EFFECTS!!!!! ‘Ding a ling…ring ring’ can you hear that Mouser? And a sweet voice (non demanding or bossy hehe) YOU’VE GOT MAIL …you know where. Lator/Gator

So poignant. Love truly never dies.

alrighty then, i’ll grab the kleenex and we can sit out on the porch and share stories about our boys. wait a sec….okay, got the tears gone and i can type again. take care

“And the song remembers when” I love music.