~Reflection 3

One of the hardest things about moving here is that no one knows my son died, unless I tell them. In CO. everyone I knew, either from the Paper, word of mouth or us. And so whenever I am asked if I have any kids, I *sigh* really big and say, yes. I tell them, “I have 2, My 12 y/o son past away August 1996 and I have a daughter who is a Senior” Sometimes they ask what happened, I don’t mind sharing. Sometimes they just say they are sorry. Sometimes they say nothing and look clearly uncomfortable. And then sometimes I get those people that -now that they know-, everytime I see them they give me that *Puppy Dog Pity* look— I HATE that!

3 years is really a big difference from the 1st year of Grief. I look back to that first year and I just don’t know how I did it, how I survived. I KNOW….. it was a God thing! And that FOG is a good thing too. And now where I am at, just how I feel, how I allow myself to feel and admit now. I am at a much healthier place. The Move here has been good for us all. We needed to start again. New surroundings, new church, new friends. It’s been hard too. Change is usually a hard thing.

Life does go on.

I miss him so much, and I think more than anything, I miss Sarah not having a brother. It would have been great to have them both in High School together. For her to have someone to share her secrets with and her disappointments, and her happy times.

Life has a way of messing up the best laid plans.

Doing this OD has been good, good to get it all written in one place, good to share with family and friends. I was surprised though when I got to the Summer of 1996 how that affected me. Someone said it was cause I was reliving all those wonderful memories and then had to come off my **High** and drop back down to reality. It took me a week to be able to write about the next happenings. So during that time I wrote about Sarah. I have enjoyed doing this diary. And I will continue to do so, but now I am free to go in other directions too, like you all do in your OD’s. I will still share my grief feelings now and then, but I am no longer limited in what I want to write about. I may even change my colors and the title of my diary.

I appreciate everyone who has took the time to read my OD and got to know NAF. And for all the Notes.. (((((HUGS)))))) to you all.

~Michelle