Am I the Bad Apple?

Am I the bad apple for being furious at my husband for letting his drug headed son continue to live on our property?

The oldest son, 30, is on meth. Lost his kids to the wife which is out of state who got clean over a year ago.  During the time they were both using, I mostly had the kids, two boys.   I raised these boys to fullest of my ability with the funding being provided by my now husband, their grandpa. One became 3rd in the country, and both are now in Gifted/Talented at school.  Don’t get me wrong those were the best years of my life but the way I’m being treated now, now that the kids are no longer here is just unreal!

After hurricane Ida, Sept,2021, my husband and I went to stay with him and his girlfriend and 4yr old daughter.  Daughter not being his.  My husband was the only working person in the entire household out of 6 adults. The girlfriend would message me telling me when my husband could go shower and he had to hurry up and not take a long time because she still needed to shower and that was for her alone time at night.  I later discovered it’s because she has an Only Fans account.  In the time that we stayed there I was told so much information on random people and I was very observant over everything going on, especially with all three children.  The son stayed mostly on the back side of the property in the garage and the girlfriend mostly stayed in the front garage.  She would color and paint and listen to music.  He would be tinkering with something usually with tools.

After several conversations, and several nights and days of trying to figure out how to help this poor child since he lost his boat job, we came up with the bright idea since we had the extra money, we would start an LLC on my name, and he would run the company! IT was a grand idea. We already had most of what we needed to do it and we had the manpower just laying around all day.  So, we stared the company, two days later it wasn’t good enough.  No one wanted to work with no one, shirts were made, my name on the line, and my husband’s hard-earned money at steak once again.  When the license came in, I had no choice but to sign myself off of it and turn it over to him.  He let his friend bash me about how I had no idea what I’m doing and I’m paying way more and so on and on.  I was done.  We weren’t asking for anything in return, we would never take from our grandchildren.  Everything was given to him handed on by a silver platter.  It still wasn’t good enough.

One night I witnessed the girl friend throwing melatonin gummies across from the youngest boy, and she told him “Go get it”.  She also told me that she doesn’t care about nothing else as long as her n hers has what they want and need.  The next day the son gets in my face and puts his pointy finger on the tip of my nose and says, “you, I don’t like you. And the only reason why I tolerate you is because my kids love you so much.”  So, I tell my husband all this and more and more goes on till one night we eventually left.

So, let’s fast forward to two years later now.  We’ve seen one of the two grandsons once since.  Couldn’t see the other, he was punished from family because he threw a fit over losing some game.  Spoke to the mother about meeting up, then the day before we leave for an out of state trip to see them, she suddenly tests positive for covid?! Never gave dates or times or places to set up another meet up.  She knows my husband’s line of work is where he can’t just take time off, it needs to be planned, scheduled, and approved by corporate first.  These people told us they had karate things coming up and would let us know but no one has said anything to us, and we call and message them to get nothing back.

The son eventually lost his house due to non-payment, and he moved into our brand-new cabin we purchased after the storm.  I begged and pleaded and cried my eyes out for days for him to come with me get my things before it was too late, I was always told no. I even spoke to his mom about it. My husband clearly told him not to mess with any of our things and we would be back to retrieve them after this job was over.  We took a trip back home after he moved in and we discovered all of my personal and sentimental belongings had been stolen.  The following weekend we took a random trip back home and we found the girlfriend rummaging through our neighbor’s home.  I let him know about it and he didn’t seem to mind. my husband and I noticed that a whole lot more had been stolen. I called the police; he told my husband I had been targeted from what he could see cause being on those types of dope why wouldn’t you steal crystal instead of the personal things.  My husband did not let me press any charges.  The girlfriend had left after packing up my things in her jeep.  There was nothing I could do.  Mind you she already made the paper when she helped her gang kid nap and left that man for death while running a meth lab.  Like, why would I want to associate with that type of people?  My husband is still mad at me because I still want to press charges after noticing what all was taken from me.  They also stuck us with very high water and electricity bills that we must somehow find a way to pay since my husband still allowed him to stay there even after what he did to us.

Since then, I’ve gone through a nervous breakdown, and I also found out my brain is slowly being affected by my cortisol levels and what nots.  I’ve notices my speech slurring and the pronunciation of my words not being clear.  I’ve also noticed that I drag my foot a lot more and I haven’t been able to have a cycle since we’ve been back a little over a month now.  We also had two positive pregnancy tests and one negative.  I supposedly don’t make eggs and my husband has been snipped for 27 years.  I’ve gone to the doctor since then and I go back in two weeks for the results.  They already told me the levels in my brain are off and that’s why these thigs are happening to me.  We are also not pregnant.  I’m going through a phantom pregnancy due to the chemical levels in my brain being all imbalanced.

I’ve since then told my husband I’m tired, I can’t take anymore.  All these “things” that got taken away from me all meant something to me.  Each one from a different person who all loved me very much and held a special place in my heart.  I’ve told him I’m completely shattered, and I needed a break from life for a while and I just wanted to be left alone.  I was told I blame him for what happened but yes, I kind of do because I cried and begged and pleaded.  If your wife calls you and she’s crying and your world don’t stop for her, then no, you do not love her one bit.  There is no way that after almost two years you could not take a day to help me gather my things?!  What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment is all I can ask myself cause when I ask him, I get no answers.  He comes up with plans to have him evicted or to get a storage unit for our things and selling the property, but nothing has happened to do with any of those things he said out of his own mouth.  I told him he never demanded respect from his sons, so they feel entitled to everything.  I’ve also told him that every day he gets to stay there he sees that its ok to do that to people and he gets another day to think he can keep doing what he does.  He blames his parenting skills since he had to always be bad cop in his previous marriage with their mother.  These kids are grown now.  They can make their own choices.  You cannot help someone that does not want the help.  You cannot help someone that will not help themselves.

Am I selfish that I want my husband to evict him from the property?  Am I selfish that I want to press charges against him?  My necklace was stolen, my bracelet, my ring, and so much more all belonging to passed family members.  I feel like my whole life was ripped from me.  It hurts everyday just to wake up and breathe.  My PTSD has been haywire and I’m now on two kinds of meds specifically created for veterans.  I still have to find a sponsor to help me with my PTSD.  Like I’m just sitting here waiting to die just about.  The doctor told me I can start to become a vegetable being in fight or flight for so long with all the chemical imbalances from the youngest son three years ago.  I’m just so lost.  I don’t want to end my marriage but since he hasn’t been able to protect me from his own kids, I think I can go out there into this world and do bad all by myself.  I feel like I’ve given enough of myself to his entire family. I told him I can no long pour out of my empty cup to make sure theirs are always filled.  He is not understanding this is literally causing my brain to slowly die off.  I’ve told him several times and cried that I’m scared and afraid.

His family has been gathering around asking my husband if I’m taking my meds like I’m supposed to cause they’ve been noticing all these little different things with me.  His mother is 84 years old.  I can’t help what I’m going through I don’t have nobody.  No friend no family and everyone sees what he does to me.  They ask me if I’m going to continue to let this go on the way it’s going.  I’ve lost my three best friends due to his sons treating me like this and him not doing or saying a single thing about any of it.