Hoping for birthcontrol to drop from the sky

I’ve been really careful every time that Jeff and I have sex…. But there is still a chance I could become pregnant….
If I’m not already.
I’ve never wanted my period to come so badly before. I really can not afford a kid.
Don’t get me wrong I’m 21 and just starting to really want a baby to care for.
I notice how much I really want one every time I see one. It’s like with kittens. If I see them I want them so bad.
But with a baby it’s like Oh, if I had a life to take care of….
I still don’t want one because I can’t afford it .. and it’s like, crap.
If I get pregnant now, I’m screwed. There is virtually no way I will be able to give it up, or even to my mom (Like Amanda did when she got pregnant at like 18. I don’t think that’s it’s right.)

If I do get pregnant I plan to start eating right and in take more veggies and stop smoking (or try at least)
But I really think it will hurt us.
We are already strapped for money.
Although I’m sure if there was a baby coming into the world Jeff would be buying baby shit instead of video games.
I don’t really know how Jeff will take it if I do become pregnant.
Girls think about it almost every time they see a baby. But guys? I have no clue how they react.
Or even how Jeff will react.
I’m sure he’d be happy.
I can’t think about this… I need to stay positive.
I’m not pregnant.
I will get my period (sorry to the guys reading)
Damn. stupid birth control.
Stupid navy hospital.
Stupid med insurance up.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I’m done for now. Gotta eat something.
~*~