From Old Routine To New Routine?

The past week proved to be a really interesting one.  I typically lead a pretty dull and otherwise mundane existence.  I don’t do much.  I go to work.  I go home.  I eat what I can, whatever my appetite will allow at any given moment.  I go to sleep and pretty much repeat the entire process the next day.  It’s all very routine and it works for me.  Being on vacation kind of throws a monkey wrench into my whole program, so that’s been a slight change with which I had had to deal.  Still, how have things proven to be interesting?  I was getting to that.

Not surprisingly, everything seems to center around Serena and our continued interactions.  I want to say that we’ve been getting closer and closer and suffice it to say that it feels so good getting to know someone the way that we have.  It seems that as time progresses, our conversations are becoming increasingly longer and maybe, just a bit more intimate than before.  We talk more about our feelings and have even started to share a bit of our respective histories and experiences.  Our phone conversations, dating back to 06/07/23, have gone from five minutes long all the way to just recently crossing over the two-hour mark.  It would appear that we have connected and at least on my end, I enjoy our conversations tremendously and a part of me wants to say that she feels the same way.

I find that of late, I have had to resist the urge to send her text messages at all hours of the day and night.  I tend to be an early bird and I know that I could start conversations with her as early as 6am and I know that if I were to get carried away, I would be inclined to that sort of thing daily, weekends included.  I’ve had to control myself in that regard.  I had even told her, perhaps as corny as this might sound today, that I only think of her on two occasions, and like the song says, “That’s day and night”.

Sometimes when I am around her, I get nervous.  This never shows on my face and I don’t think she’s ever noticed this.  I tend to keep a pretty strong poker face and I don’t even play poker.  Not that I am not expressive with or towards Serena, but I would prefer not to give her the impression that she makes me nervous sometimes.  Maybe I could outright tell her that she makes me nervous, because maybe she’d find that cute in some strange way, but I would prefer not to tell her.  I don’t want her to see it either.

I don’t know if she noticed this, but yesterday, one of the first days where we have been in the office together this week, I found myself going over to her desk constantly.  Sometimes it would be for legitimate business, as if I had this really important question to ask her, though more often than not, it was pretty much because I wanted to see her.  You see, Serena has this “tell” of sorts whenever I come by her cubicle and I like it.  She doesn’t know that I know this, but I noticed it some weeks ago and it blows my mind every time I see it.  As soon as she sees me, she gets this look in her eye, almost as if at that exact moment, she becomes extremely shy.  She looks at me and then proceeds to look away, as if she is ashamed to make eye contact.  Then she looks back at me again, as though she just recalled that I was still there, and she greets me.  We talk for a few moments and then I have to walk away, not because I want to, but because I don’t want to make it obvious that I’m just there just to talk to her.  She might know this already, but I would prefer not to make it so obvious.

I happened to come into the office today, because I had forgotten some work on my desk yesterday, and I wanted to get some work done this weekend.  I already knew that Serena was not going to be there, but in my head, I wanted to think that there was a chance, albeit a wholly non-existent one, that maybe she’d happen to come in randomly.  I picked up the work that I had intended and was ready to leave, but much like I do during the week, I still decided to walk over to her side of the office (not too far from her desk actually) and chat with some of our other co-workers who also happened to be in the office today.  As I spoke with them, I found myself glancing over to Serena’s desk, as if I truly believed that she was there.  I looked over constantly, hoping to see her.  I didn’t and I knew I wouldn’t, but yet, that did little to deter me.  Eventually, I left the office and returned home.

We texted each other a little bit earlier this morning, but she’s going to be busy for much of the rest of the day.  She’s going to a concert that I know she has been looking forward to for quite a while.

She stays on my mind.  She just does.