Love-Bombed, then Ghosted

What would you do if you got ghosted, and then they make an unexpected reappearance months later? 

For the longest time, I swore that I’d never need anyone. I wasn’t aromantic or anything, I just couldn’t see myself in a relationship. I was an extremely shy, loner. I had so many things that I needed to work on. I knew I couldn’t allow anyone to love me if I barely loved myself. I don’t think I knew what it was like to actually be loved anyway. 

Now that I’m a lot older, things have changed. I was now open to the idea of loving someone with all my heart, and in exchange, allowing myself to be loved in return. The thought is still strange to me, but something that lives in my mind quite often. 

No, it had nothing to do with the fact that people constantly ask me why I’m single with no kids at my age haha. I’m just in a different place in my life at the moment. We all have our own timelines. I wish people would understand that. 

I feel like I’ve missed the boat at times. Finding love is even weirder in this day and age. It’s so much easier to be fake, and so much more. One guy told me he was married but unhappy in his relationship. Another guy was a pastor on Sunday, but a horny toad the rest of the time. What those two men had in common was that they only talked to me when they were in that mood. It’s normal, I’m sure. 

I met this guy at the beginning of the year. He was pretty much my age, single (finally haha), and we seem to have certain similarities where it really counts. He was extremely career and goal-driven, almost to the point where I felt as if he didn’t know how to talk about anything else. But I looked at it as a good sign. I’d rather have a goal-driven person than someone who has absolutely no ambition, although it would have been more relatable if he turned it down a notch. But no one is perfect, not even me. 

He love-bombed me. I believed it all. He called us a “thing”, called me babe, said I was his love, and other things. I felt safe with him. He quickly became everything to me. 

Long story short: one day he just stopped talking to me. He was busy with his job, and I heard from him less and less. I figured he was busy. Those few days turned into weeks. Not a single word from the guy who called me his love. I texted him, I left him voicemails, and still…nothing. I was worried that something terrible happened to him.

That all changed when I noticed that he changed his social media profile twice. They were pics of him showing off his body *rolls eyes*. He loved doing that. That’s the moment I realized  that he was okay. He was just ignoring me. I felt like an idiot. I was wondering what I did wrong. I spent the next few weeks crying over someone who couldn’t care less about me. 

I always think a lot, especially at night. One night my thoughts played like a reel. I thought of all the good times. But then I also thought about the not-so-good times. Yes, there were some not-so-good times, but I failed to see them earlier because I had my rose colored lenses on the whole time. 

Sometimes he said things that kind of brought me down and made me uncomfortable, but I figured that it was just me being overly sensitive. Maybe it was constructive criticism, even though I never asked for it. He didn’t know how to give compliments. He always said awkward things. He made comments about my looks, and I wanted to please him. Deep down inside, I felt like I always fell short. 

It was heartbreaking to be ghosted. It was a different kind of pain to not even have that closure. This is the same guy who told me that communication is key. I guess it doesn’t apply to him. 

Weeks have gone by, and I’ve adjusted. In the long run, I don’t want anything to do with someone who can’t even communicate. I no longer had to worry about not looking in a way that was up to his standards. I no longer had to wonder what I did wrong. 

About 5 months later (last week) he came back unexpectedly. I didn’t think he’d ever have to nerve to do that. He told me that he had to get away because he was going through something. He said “as a man, I need to collect my thoughts alone” For 5 months with no word though? Am I being unreasonable? Haha.

Look, I understand we go through things. Is he using this as an excuse? I have no idea and that’s not my concern anymore, but if you call someone your love and babe, are they not worthy enough to know if one needs some time away? I know he would not have wanted me to do that to him. He also said “I apologize IF I hurt you, but…” I told him in my last voicemail to him months ago that he hurt me. That should not be a question, lol. 

I responded to him and let him know how I feel. I know you really shouldn’t give a ghoster the time of day, but I needed to tell this narcissist something I needed to tell him months ago. He barely had any remorse. Besides, if that’s how he deals with issues, he’s going to keep doing it. I can’t trust someone who can’t even communicate with me. In the back of my mind, I’d always worry if he’d leave me again. No one is worth that stress. 

Anyway, I am on this new chapter in my life. It’s always been just me, but now I’m embracing it. Everything will fall into place within the right time. I believe that.