FET Cycle, Still the goal for a “Peaceful” July.

We’re halfway through July.  YAY!  Nothing like wishing the summer away.  I’m realizing – once you’re an adult without children the “summer” doesn’t matter.  Literally, other than the weather the summer is no different than any other time.  Still working 50 – 60+ hours every week.  Still have the same bills that must be paid.  Still have the same adult responsibility.  Nothing is currently different.  So, I guess it doesn’t really matter if I wish the summer away.

First up – FET News –

I’m still keeping on.  I did my “baseline” appointment Monday and everything was fine to begin medication.  Thus, I crammed 3 estrogen pills in that afternoon – evening as the clinic was behind on calling with orders to start meds and have been taking all my medications every since.  They make me feel like shit quite honestly.  Initially, I’d thought it was the progesterone that made me so bloated and gross feeling.  Like that kind of feeling that you’re period is just around the corner and the cramping that begins beforehand.  Yet, I’m not on that yet and that feeling resumed last night.  So, it must be the estrogen too.  I’m losing weight, I’m finally back to right below where I was when I began meds last month for retrieval.  So, I’m not “truly” bloated, but gosh I just feel achy/crampy and have a pretty awesome headache.

I thought some of the meds I began closer to transfer.  Nope, everything began Monday except the progesterone.  This made me sad.  I despise the Lovenox Injections.  I’d take 5 shots in place of that evil, burning bitch.  I’m sure I sounded pathetic when I asked if she REALLY meant to start that now.  She explained it used to be protocol to begin all the immune protocol with the progesterone.  However, they’re realizing that it’s more helpful for it to be in the system earlier and already working.  Which makes perfect sense.  The body does need time for these meds to even kick in and get the inflammation and whatever it is they treat gone.

So, I’m just shutting up and doing the medications.  Even if every night I consider crying for a brief second when I do that stupid shot.  Last night I told Max I was headed to do my meds but I just didn’t know if I’d survive the shot.  He was encouraging to remind me how tough I am and if anyone can do it, I can.  Pep talks do help.

In the end – I just remind myself.  All of these shots and all of the misery – it has a purpose.  It will be worth every single second when I get to hold my own child in my arms and see her little face.  So worth it.  As I always say, it’s like the song, “Can we skip to the good part?”. I wish.  This process is so painful.  I’m really counting on this sweet little embryo becoming a beautiful baby girl.  My dreams are all shoved into a cute little “clump of cells”.  She HAS to work.  Honestly, I have no idea how horrid I’ll feel if these embryos don’t work.  If we end up doing all of this and never accomplish the goal.  Never get our “purpose”.  The thought of all of this – for nothing – is rough.

Instead, I’m just sticking to positivity.  Remember, we’re getting rid of the negative people and having a “Calm and Peaceful July”.  We’re 14 days in – how’s it going?  Well, I had therapy this week and she thinks I need to find a better wording for “Calm July” – it’s great, she just thinks it needs to sound better.  I have no idea.  I’m just trying to go with the flow, to not get worked up, to just chill.  Everything I’ve read on success – those who have had good results often just literally relax and go with it. So, here I am – the Queen of Anxiety and OCD – trying to go with it.  It’s actually felt pretty good to NOT care and to be chill.  I’ve cleaned, worked A TON, spent time on the “rainbow blanket”, watched some tv, played some bocce ball, made good food.  Honestly, I do wish I was always this laid back.  New life goal – baby or not.

As for eating – I’ve read far too much on food.  I’m taking the supplements.  Now, for the most part, I’m also trying to eat good.  Leafy greens, fruits/vegetables, good fish, lean proteins, nuts, eggs, etc.  BUT, I’m also trying not to “control” my food a ton.  Like I don’t want to stress about it, I just simply want to nourish my body and feel like I’m positively having an impact on myself.  I made the BEST salad this week with Spinach, Strawberries, Chicken, Nuts, Blue Cheese Crumbles, etc.  Seriously, amazing.  Some fabulous salmon.  A great egg dish.  I’m not specifically following any diet but trying to include the foods that supposedly make lining pretty, hormones, good, implantation more likely.  With reducing sugars, starches and processed food a ton.

Overall, I feel like it’s all going pretty good.  I just need to catch up on sleep this weekend and get some good rest in.  Then focus next week on getting enough sleep daily, etc.  This is probably my biggest struggle this week – sleep.  The research also says proper rest is necessary.  So, I’ll work on that next.

I go in Monday for another appointment to check hormone levels and lining.  Assuming the 3 levels they check are where we want them and my lining is 8+ they’ll schedule my transfer for the following week.  Currently, it’s looking like it’ll be Tuesday, July 25.  I’ll get the confirmation Monday if all is well.  If not, I’ll probably have to schedule another monitoring or cancel all together.  I’m just going to stay positive that I’ve done everything I’m supposed to and some.  So, ideally my progesterone will still be under 1, estrogen 100ish or more and a lining of at least a 9.  Somewhere I ready like 8.7 – 13.5 or something is ideal.  I’m happy with anything in there and just don’t want to risk it getting to thick as that seems to be what I’ve struggled with in the past.  Just a few more days and we’ll know the verdict on how this is going.

In the meantime – Peaceful.  Calm.  Happy.  July.  (Repeat after me.)

During therapy this week she did ask if I have to keep repeating that mantra to myself.  You bet your ass you do.  I hate people, I don’t really like the world, it’s like I have to keep convincing myself life is acceptable and I’m happy and peaceful and not irritated.  It’s slightly annoying.  Maybe it’s good for my overall well-being and health though.

I have managed to avoid the majority of stupid people.  That was my only goal.  Crazy ex-MIL is back to leaving me alone.  Knock on wood.  Kind of staying on the downlow as far as “friends” go as I’ve truly realized I don’t have a lot of legit friends and don’t want the ones that aren’t legit.

In the office – the stupid people list is 50/50 lately.  Thankfully, I’m alone in this office and have just stayed to myself for the most part for the Teams Meetings and all that.  Though, this week I did get to observe the stupid enough.  This new position I have gets me into the supervisor meetings and the downlow of the stupid.  Not necessarily what I needed in my life.  It’s slightly entertaining though.  People are petty and lazy.

When it comes to the restaurant – I’ve just tried to ignore the stupidity.  Hold my head up.  Pretend the truly dumb people don’t exist.  Do my job.  Don’t take it personal.  Move on.  It’s worked well and I still made just as good of tips this week, if not better.  People kind of like not being treated special I think.  Literally.  I try too hard to make people happy sometimes.  Like my customer service is on point – too well.  So, dumbing it down and not bending over backwards for someone that truly doesn’t need it.  It’s great.  Yet again, I just shut up and do my job.  You don’t think the salad bar has enough on it?  I’m sorry to hear that, everyone other than you has raved about it.  You don’t ever like the Meatloaf here?  That’s fine, don’t order it.  (Seriously, this is a real weekly complaint – he wants to order the meatloaf, often orders the meatloaf, it’s not good meatloaf like his mom made 50 years ago.  OKAY then, quit ordering it dude, it’s just the way the meatloaf if and is another thing everyone else raves about.)

So, whatever.  The avoidance of stupid people is going well I guess.  Or maybe my calm, peaceful attitude really is going that well also.  Who knows.

I’ll take it!

Fingers crossed that my body is looking great Monday and I get my transfer schedule.