Moving on…

After cutting off some one sided friendships. I felt almost a weight lifted. It was like I was carrying these friendships in a way. I was 98% of the time reaching out, pouring into the friendship etc.

I started traveling a lot with friends I met all over the world. It was crazy how I built friendships with people from across the world. I did this for about 2 to 3 years especially during COVID. I saw so much, crossed off bucket list items with people, once in a lifetime experiences. I had no guard and trusted too easily. I think it was almost a way of coping after always feeling secluded and guarded that I wanted to have no guard anymore and trusting again. With strangers it was easy to be taken advantage of such as not paying for trips, people not reading trip details and much more. So many women came so much drama and it felt like I was in high school. One girl on a trip would intentionally do things to another girl (who was her so called best friend she met because of traveling) to make her mad. They are still friends to this day. It was something that triggered me and reminded me of my ex. Things got pretty toxic, rumors, with no real adult conversations. It felt like going to high school and being apart of cliques.

I got into a very healthy relationship. It felt like I had known him forever. I was with him long enough he saw what the girls were doing, all the work I was putting into these trips, how I was being treated etc. He told me enough was enough, he even yelled at one of the girls, who we thought a good friend, because she got in my face making demands. Basically, sounding privileged. She did not care about anyone else’s feeling just her own. She wanted things her way or no way. So many people spoke badly about this girl, including her family but yet continue to remain friends with her. It was like they were too weak or didn’t have the energy to fight with her so just dealt with her.

So many people did not hold up their end of the agreements on trips but no matter what since I was planning them it always came back as my fault. Since I don’t like drama I never confronted them I just took the blame. I mean what would really benefit from telling someone, hey you agreed to do this and haven’t. They would most likely – from experience – get defense. However, I did try to talk to one girl since I thought she was a friend of mine, she of course got defensive and blamed everyone else for not asking her as the reason why she wasn’t doing her part. So I dropped it there. I was not about to tell everyone on the trip that it was their fault, according to another girl.

It was then I knew I had to stop. You simply can not make everyone happy. Girls fought about rooms, food, all things that should not have mattered.

One trip a girl who was married disappeared because she wanted to meet up with tiktok men she met online. It got very scary. I stood up and said this isn’t right, were all adults and you would think someone peed in their cheerios, as the saying goes. I have learned through trying to find myself how many people do not like someone telling them what they are doing is wrong. They want to be right, they want to take advantage and so much more. Then the lies that came were unbelievable. I am not one to feed into the drama. Think what you want because no matter what I say you already or will have you own impression based on what another person already has said, that’s just the type of girls these people were. I say girls because this was very childlike behavior. Instead, I was more like okay cool think what you want I am not feeding into your drama, feeding into your web of lies and feeding into the he said she said. I sent screenshots, proof etc. a few times but it always caused more drama so I stopped, what was the point? Of course they tried to revert the situation since I would not feed into the drama. The girls who knew my character and also were like me not about the drama never once brought it up or they defended me. Now here we are a four year strong friendship.

Not all the girls were like this THANKFULLY, I have made such incredible friendships that have been apart of amazing moments in my life.

So instead we all travel together, we show up for the good and bad for another, we keep in contact.

After this I thought I was done with people pleasing but I think people who have been like this their whole life it’s very hard to stop being this way instantly. It’s almost like trying to quit a very bad habit.

Until Tomorrow….

xoxo lonelymom1106