Letter to Patty

I miss you…

Or maybe I should say I miss the you before the lying and cheating. The you who didn’t sacrifice me and my hopes, dreams, and hard work for your own selfish wants.

I can’t even enjoy the memories because of this new person you’ve become. Everything is in doubt, even the kids because you may have been cheating the whole time.

How do you live with knowing all the hurt you put on me because,  your words, I was immature with money? I’ve spent over 4 years defending you when people, the only ones who talk to me, call you such horrible names. I’m the one it happened to and I can’t bring myself to call you such names. How sad is that?

20 years we built something that you kept and I lost. The relationships I had are destroyed or changed so much they’re not the same. You and my sister have allowed your husbands to take my firsts with the boys. Jonathan’s and Morgen’s permits, their first driving lessons. School awards and concerts. Building a treehouse and stuff. Teaching the younger boys to ride bikes. And on top of it all, you have turned it around on me so I’m the lazy uncaring fuck.

People flocked to you because of the divorce. Oh poor Patty, lost and destitute because of Colby. Only thing was was that you never missed a beat. You sold me out to a 20yr older man who threw money at you. You took all our money and never have paid me what little bit I deserved for the house. You were buying patio furniture while I was sleeping in my car. You were buying new appliances when I was starving because I had no food.

I don’t want to love you any more, but for some reason I need to or I will totally give up living. How fucked up is that?